|
|Chapter 11
I
Hate Divorce
“ ‘For I hate divorce,’
says the LORD, the
God of Israel.”
Malachi 2:16.
Why are so many marriages
ending in divorce? We have all heard the statistics…50% of first marriages end
in divorce and 80% of second marriages end in divorce!
But why? “And the rain
descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that
house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock.” Matt. 7:25. Most of our houses were not
built on the Rock of God's Word.
Was your house built on the
Rock? If not, then you, like me, were foolish. “And the rain descended, and the
floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and it fell, and
great was its fall.” Matt. 7:27.
The Rock that we need to build on is His Word. “Consequently they are
no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man
separate.” Matt. 19:6. “…and the two shall become one flesh; consequently they
are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8. “…but I say to you that everyone
who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit
adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Matt. 5:32.
“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality
[fornication], and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matt. 19:9. “And He
said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits
adultery against her’….” Mark 10:11. “Everyone who divorces his wife and
marries another commits adultery; and he who marries one who is divorced from a
husband commits adultery.” Luke 16:18.
“So then if, while her husband
is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but
if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an
adulteress, though she is joined to another man.” Rom. 7:3.
The Scriptures on marriage are
very clear.
Commitment
Another reason for the high
divorce rate is the lack of commitment. We are not committed to staying
married. It's out with the old; let's
look for someone new. The real shame is how many broken marriages are in
the church, because the church accepts divorce as an option!
Accepting divorce as an option
is another reason for the high divorce rate within the church. When we
entertain a wrong thought or idea, God tells us, “…each one is tempted when he
is carried away and enticed by his own lust. (The definition of lust is a
“longing” for what is forbidden.) Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth
to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be
deceived, my beloved brethren.” James 1:14-16.
Many will say that there is
nothing wrong with divorce, especially in some circumstances; that's where the
deception comes in.
Deception
Obey God rather than man. Everyone has his or her own opinion on
marriage and what he or she “thinks” God tells us pertaining to marriage in His
Word. The “gray area” that most people or Christians stand on is just not
grounded in Scripture. Divorce is very clearly a black and white issue. A firm
stand is difficult and unpopular; that is why so many pastors don't want to
take a strong stand against divorce. But “We must obey God rather than man.” Acts 5:29.
I am not ashamed. Never follow what any person says; follow God,
obey Him for He is our only hope for salvation. Don't try and complicate
His Word by trying to find “what you think He means.” He means exactly what He says!
Some of the more liberal or progressive churches have changed the miracles of
Jesus into something different. A woman pastor said in her sermon that the
miracle of the loaves and fishes was nothing more than a lesson on “sharing.”
She said that the little boy was the first to share his food; then others began
to share what they had been hiding! Please stand by God's teaching regardless
of what is popular or how many people in the church are divorced and have
remarried. “I am not ashamed of the
gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who
believes.” Rom. 1:16. Please know
that if marriages are to be saved or restored, we must stand on the Truth!
They produce quarrels. Please
do not debate the issue of divorce. Each person is only responsible to
speak, teach and live the Truth. The Holy Spirit will do the convicting and the
Lord will turn the heart. “But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations,
knowing that they produce quarrels.
And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able
to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in
opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge
of the Truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of
the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” 2Tim. 2:23-26.
By their fruits. We can see the “fruits” of those in the church who
have allowed the loopholes and the widespread abuse of exceptions for divorce.
We have seen that it began with the loophole of “unfaithfulness or adultery”
and led to divorce for practically any reason! It parallels what has happened
with the abortion issue... rape, incest and the health of the mother now
account for less than 1% of all abortions performed – 99% are for convenience
sake! Divorce for the reason of adultery is now also for convenience sake. “You
will know them by their fruits.”
Matt. 7:16. “Either make the tree good, and its fruit good; or make the tree
bad, and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit.” Matt. 12:33. We can clearly see the bad fruit in so
many broken marriages and broken vows.
The Questions
Turn from their wicked ways. Why does it matter if we understand
and follow God's Law concerning marriage? It matters because families are being
destroyed, and, without the family, our nation hasn't got a prayer. And we as
Christians will be to blame for the destruction of our nation. We cannot point
the finger at others because of God's promise to the Christian. If “My people
who are called by My name will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I
will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” 2Chron. 7:14. Let's face it, Christian marriages are perishing at the same rate
of destruction as those in the world. Why? For “My people perish for a lack of knowledge.” Hos. 4:6. Christians
have been deceived and are following the world's way, rather than God's way.
Turn aside to myths. How can we know that we are being deceived
about marriage and divorce? We know because we don't want to hear the Truth.
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting
to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance
to their own desires and will turn away their ears from the Truth, and will turn aside to myths.” 2Tim 4:3-4. We
are seeking worldly solutions when it comes to broken marriages, divorce and
remarriage. “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy
nation, a peculiar people.” 1Pet. 2:9. When you stand for your marriage, especially in the case of adultery or
abuse, people call you peculiar!
You may not do the things that you please. His Word is always
consistent; God's Word is the opposite of the world's philosophies and it is
difficult to understand and follow. “But a natural man does not accept the
things of the Spirit of God; they are foolishness to him, and he cannot
understand them, because they are spiritually appraised.” 1Cor. 2:14. And it
says “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of
the flesh…so you may not do the things
that you please.” Gal. 5:17. Again, we can easily see “the fruits” of all
the Christian marriages that have been destroyed for believing a lie. But “You
will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes, nor
figs from thistles, are they? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit; but
the bad tree bears bad fruit.” Matt. 7:15-17. Let's search more Scripture to
see where God stands on marriage.
Scriptural Facts to Stand On
Wife by covenant. Marriage was to be a blood covenant. On the
wedding night a blood covenant is made as the couple consummate their marriage.
“This is the new covenant in My blood.” 1Cor. 11:25. “And this is another thing
you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with
groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor
from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a
witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt
treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” Mal. 2:13-14. “My covenant I will not violate, nor will I alter the utterance of My
lips.” Ps. 89:34. “All the paths of the LORD are lovingkindness and Truth to
those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.” Ps. 25:10.
No longer two, but one flesh. Marriage is for life. We say the vows
until death do us part but do we mean
it? “Consequently they are no longer two
but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
Matt. 19:6. “…and the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark
10:8.
For I hate divorce, says the Lord. God says that He hates divorce! Yet, some women are
convinced that God led them to get a divorce! First, He says, “For I hate divorce.” (Mal. 2:16) And, He never changes.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today, yes and forever.” Heb. 13:8. Not
even for you, your friend or your sister…. “I most certainly understand that
now God is not One to show partiality.” Acts 10:34.
Betrothed you to one husband. We are to be the living example of
Christ and His Church, the one wife of one husband. “For I am jealous for you
with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed
you to one husband, that to Christ….” 2Cor. 11:2-3. “…the husband of one
wife….” 1Tim. 3:2. “…if any man be above reproach, the husband of one wife….”
Titus 1:6.
Commits adultery. Remarriage is not an “option”; it's “adultery”!
“…but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of
unchastity, makes her commit adultery;
and whoever marries a divorced woman commits
adultery.” Matt. 5:32. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except
for immorality [fornication, KJV], and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matt. 19:9. “And He
said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her….’” Mark
10:11. “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery;
and he who marries one who is divorced from a husband commits adultery.” Luke 16:18.
She shall be called an adulteress. “So then if, while her husband
is living, she is joined to another man, she
shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from
the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another
man.” Rom. 7:3. “The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He
who would destroy himself does it.” Prov. 6:32. “If there is a man who commits
adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s
wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”
Lev. 20:10. “And I gave her time to repent; and she does not want to
repent of her immorality. Behold, I will cast her upon a bed of sickness, and
those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent
of her deeds.” Rev. 2:21.
You'll be proved a liar. What about the exception clause? First
of all, very few marriages in the church end because of adultery, even if that
were the correct “exception.” The verse says, “…but I say to you that everyone
who divorces his wife, except for the cause of….[adultery, fornication, moral impurity or unchastity], makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a
divorced woman commits adultery.” Matt. 5:32. In different Bible versions, the
words adultery, fornication, moral impurity and unchastity are used interchangeably as though they were the same
word. They are not.
The “exception” Jesus is
talking about is the word fornication,
moral impurity, and unchastity. This is porneia (4202) before the marriage takes place. The
word adultery, which refers to after
marriage, is (3429) Moichao in Strong's
Concordance in the Greek or original language. The words adultery or moichao (3429 after) and porneia (4202 before) are two separate and distinct
sins. Therefore, you cannot divorce your
spouse for the reason of adultery, moral impurity or unchastity. Divorce was
and is only allowed for the case of fornication when a woman was found not to
be a virgin on her wedding night.
Another interesting notation is
found in the definition of 4202. The author admits that he has added his own
words. He states, “These words have been
added to include ‘adultery’ and
‘incest’ for better understanding of fornication (Porneia).” He is saying that
adultery was added to the definition of the word porneia. But God's Word says, “Do not add to His Words lest He reprove you, and you be proved a liar.” Prov. 30:6.
Let me also quote Strong's note
under Signs Employed and Plan of the Book:
“Parenthesis…denotes a word given with the principal word to which it is
annexed and a few words of explanation are added to identify it.” Again, we should never “… add to His Words lest He reprove you, and you be proved a liar.” Prov. 30:6.
Falsehoods and reckless boasting. Be careful what you say God told you. “Behold I am against those
who use their tongues and declare 'The Lord declares.' Behold I am against
those who have prophesied false dreams, declares the Lord, and related them and
led my people astray by their falsehoods
and reckless boasting.” Jer. 23:31-32. “For I hate divorce, says the Lord.”
Malachi 2:16. God never tells us to go against His Word! He never changes.
Also, be careful what you say
about divorce or remarriage; it could lead another to divorce or to remarry.
“Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that
stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block
comes! …it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck,
and that he be drowned in the depth of the sea.” Matt. 18:7, 6.
Great was its fall. If you believe that divorce is okay in some
circumstances, you have been deceived. “And no wonder, for even Satan disguises
himself as an angel of light.” 2Cor. 11:14. Whenever you feel led to say or do
something, first make sure that it is consistent with Scripture. “Therefore
everyone who hears these Words of Mine, and acts upon them, may be compared to
a wise man, who built his house upon the rock. And the rain descended, and the
floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; and yet it did
not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock. And everyone who hears these
Words of Mine, and does not act upon them, will be like a foolish man, who
built his house upon the sand. And the rain descended, and the floods came, and
the winds blew and burst against that house; and it fell and great was its fall.” Matt. 7:26-27.
Spirit against the flesh. After you check Scripture, then check to
see how driven you are about it. Fleshly desires feel good to the flesh.
When you have an urgency behind what you do, you need no grace to carry it out.
“For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one
another, so that you may not do the things that you please.” Gal. 5:17.
What If
What if my husband is unfaithful and commits adultery, then am I
allowed to divorce him? No. His Word says that you can divorce for the reason
of fornication only, which, as we saw previously, is intercourse prior to
marriage. This was during the betrothal time. Fornication and adultery are not
the same sin. If they were they would not both be listed in the same verse, as
in this Scripture: “…neither fornicators,
idolaters, nor adulterers….” 1Cor.
6:9.
Divorce for the cause of fornication was
allowed during the betrothal time, as with Mary and Joseph. “And Joseph, her
husband…desired to divorce her secretly.” Matt. 1:19. The terms fiancé and engaged were not used during this period of history. Joseph was
considered her husband because he had already committed to marrying Mary. He
was allowed to divorce her because it
was prior to their marriage, since divorce was allowed for the case of
fornication. In the verse preceding this, it explains that the divorce
was to take place before the marriage! “When Mary had been betrothed to
Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child….”
Matt. 1:18. The latest a divorce could take place was the day after the
wedding night, when the woman was found not to be a virgin.
Can anyone then ever remarry? “A wife is bound as long as her
husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she
is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” 1Cor. 7:39.
For those women who are widowed, it is important to know that when the real
“Mr. Right” comes along he too will be widowed or will never have been married.
Do not marry a divorced man. Remember, Satan usually brings his best first. The
Lord makes you wait and then brings His best! “Wait for the Lord, and keep His
way.” Ps. 37:34.
If either of you know any obstruction, why you may not be lawfully
joined together in Matrimony, you will now confess it. For be assured, that if any persons are joined together otherwise than
as God's Word does allow, their marriage is not lawful. (“The Marriage
Service,” C.R. Gibson Co.)
What if I am already in a second (or third) marriage? First, you
must ask God's forgiveness, whether it was before you were saved or not. You
can't be effective in your Christian walk if you can't admit past sins. “He who
covers his transgressions shall not
prosper.” Prov. 28:13. “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving
ourselves, and the Truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful
and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all
unrighteousness.” 1John 1:8-9.
She does not know it. “And I gave her time to repent; and she does
not want to repent of her immorality. Behold, I will cast her upon a bed of
sickness, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless
they repent of her deeds.” Rev. 2:21.
If you say you have done
nothing wrong, you may just have proven your guilt. “This is the way of an
adulterous woman: she eats and wipes her mouth, and says, ‘I have done no
wrong.’ ” Prov. 30:20. If you don't repent, you will have the characteristics
of an adulterous woman. “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother
than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a
two-edged sword…She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it.” Prov. 5:3.
Have no fear of confessing; we
are not under the law – praise the Lord! “If there is a man who commits
adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s
wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.” Lev.
20:10. “Therefore, confess your sins to
one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective
prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and
righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
1John 1:9.
Not My will, but Thine be done. After you confess, you must lay your will aside and ask your Heavenly
Father for His will concerning what
He would have you do. Many others who are in a second (or subsequent) marriage
have faced this difficult task. Some had assurance that God intended them to
stay in their present marriage and use their lives as a testimony against
divorce. Others saw that their marriage was crumbling because they had been used
by Satan when they destroyed their spouse’s previous marriage. “The thief comes
only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and
might have it abundantly.” John 10:10. You must trust Him. He wants to give you
an abundant life, not a counterfeit. Please, just pray,“Father, if Thou art
willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not
My will, but Thine be done.” Luke 22:42.
Did no one condemn you? But can adultery ever be forgiven? Yes.
Jesus said to the woman caught in adultery, “Did no one condemn you?…Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From
now on sin no more.” John 8:10-11. But you must confess your sins and not
encourage others to sin as you did. Actually, not only is adultery not grounds
for divorce, it is grounds for forgiveness as shown by Christ in John 8:10
above. We also have an example in the book of Hosea of a husband forgiving his
wife who was in adultery. “Then the Lord said to me, 'Go again, love a woman
who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress.' ” Hos. 3:1. Then in 1Cor.
6:9-11, when God refers to adulterers and fornicators He says, “And such were
some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were
justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God.”
We are washed in His blood of forgiveness.
But what about the pastors who
say that adultery is grounds for divorce? “You have heard that it was said,
'You shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you that everyone who looks on a
woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
Matt. 5:27-28 If it is true that adultery is grounds for divorce, then most
women could divorce their husbands since most of them have lusted over pictures
of women that they have seen on television or in magazines!!
Shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven. But so many
churches and pastors say that divorce is right in some situations and that
remarriage is okay if it's under the right circumstances. “Whoever then annuls
one of the least of these commandments, and so teaches others, shall be called least in the kingdom of
heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the
kingdom of heaven.” Matt. 5:19.
I never knew you. How can I be sure that this teaching is right and
what many of the churches are teaching is wrong? “Beware of the false prophets,
who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. Many
will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord,
did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your
name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; Depart from Me, you
who practice lawlessness.’ ” Matt. 7:15, 22-23. Aren't many of the families in
your church crumbling and the marriages dissolving? These are the bad fruits of
false prophets.
Hostility toward God. Many pastors feel a “deep down” conviction
about marriage, but they don't want to “offend” anyone, especially all those
“church members” who are in their second and third marriages. “Friendship with
the world is hostility toward God.
Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of
God.” James 4:4.
If a pastor or church takes a
stand against divorce and remarriage they are labeled “legalistic” or
“judgmental.” Then those who want to do
their own thing will go to another church to hear what they want to hear
(to have their ears tickled). “For the time will come when they will not endure
sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate
for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires; and will turn away
from the Truth, and will turn aside to myths.” 2Tim. 4:3-4.
Depart from Me. Divorce is going against God's law. Just because
someone is a preacher, or in some other type of church ministry, that does not
mean he is following God. Jesus said that you must do the will of His Father in
heaven! Let's again read the verse: “Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,'
will enter the kingdom of heaven; but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me on that day,
'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out
demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' And then I will declare to
them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me,
you who practice lawlessness.' ” Matt. 7:21-23.
A wife is bound. You may ask, “Since I'm ‘single again,’ couldn't I
remarry or date and then ask God to forgive me?” First of all you are not
single. Only someone who has never been married is single. “A wife is bound as long as her husband
lives.” 1Cor. 7:39. “So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to
another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is
free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to
another man.” Rom. 7:3. Secondly, you will reap what you have sown. “Do not be
deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will reap also.”
Gal. 6:7.
Her ways are unstable. If you ignore these verses, you will have
the same consequences as any adulteress: bitterness, sharp speech, being
unstable, boisterous, rebellious, and you won't even be aware of it! “But in
the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. She does not
ponder the path of life; her ways are
unstable, she does not know it.” Prov. 5:4-6. “She (the harlot) is
boisterous and rebellious; Her feet do not remain at home.” Prov. 7:11.
I have done no wrong. When you knowingly enter into sin, your
conscience will be seared. “This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats
and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I have
done no wrong.’ ” Prov. 30:20. Again, you are willfully entering into sin.
“Therefore to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it
is sin.” James 4:17. You set yourself up for God's vengeance. “For if we go on
sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the Truth, there no longer
remains a sacrifice for sins. How much severer punishment do you think he will
deserve who has trampled under foot the Son of God? Vengeance is mine, I will
repay. The Lord will judge His people. It is a terrifying thing to fall into
the hands of the living God.” Heb. 10:26-31.
In closing a difficult topic,
because of the magnitude of church sin, let us look at the firm statement Paul
wrote to Timothy: “If anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree
with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine
conforming to godliness, he is conceited and understands nothing; but has a
morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words, out of which
arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, and constant friction
between men of Truth.” 1Tim. 6:3-5.
“If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” John 14:15.
Let us make a personal commitment to
remain married
and encourage
all others to do the same.
Personal commitment:
To remain married and encourage others to do the same. “Based on what I
have learned from God's Word, I recommit myself to my marriage. I will humble
myself whenever necessary and take all the steps as a ‘peacemaker’ in my
marriage. I will not cover my transgressions nor cause another to stumble. I
will devote my lips to spreading God's Truth on marriage in a gentle and quiet
manner.”
Date: _____________
Signed:_________________________________________________
