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|Chapter 14
The
Ways of Her Household
“She looks well to
the ways of her household,
And does not eat the
bread of idleness.”
Proverbs 31:27.
Many women are finding themselves with double the work,
double the responsibilities, and double the stress. We are expected to care for
our homes, our husbands’ needs, and our children's needs along with providing
for our families. We do this whether we are sick, pregnant or have just had a
baby. We are expected to dress our children, get breakfast down them in haste,
figure out what to feed them for lunch, and get ourselves ready. We drop our
babies in the arms of another as they cry, and, many times, we cry ourselves to
work. Our life is nothing but a rush and a blur. What happened? How did things
get so hard for us? Most of our mothers got us off to school and had time to
play bridge.
Many Christian women use the example of the Proverbs woman
to justify their working outside the home. They seem to like the independence
and freedom from the mundane task of a homemaker. Some people believe that the
Proverbs woman works away from her home. Did God intend a wife to work away
from her home? Was she away from her children as most of the working wives are
today? Was she under the authority of her own husband and therefore under the
Lord?
We must be careful in teaching about the Proverbs woman; we
must not add to His Words nor take any away. We must look at all the Scriptures
that refer to women, wives, and especially mothers before making such an
important decision to continue to work away from our home. We also must look at
our fruits! It is my goal to help you to renew your mind. By searching His Word
for our answer, we can form “His” opinion, apply it to our lives and then share
it with other women. My heart’s desire is that you will be set free from the
bondage of working outside your home so that you will be free to minister to
the needs of your husband, your children, other (younger) women, the poor and
the widows. “…and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
John 8:32.
Your Own Husbands
Your own husbands. We should not be under
another man's or woman's authority. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as
unto the Lord.” Eph. 5:22. “…you wives be submissive to your own husbands….”
1Pet. 3:1. “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the
Lord.” Col. 3:18. “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.” Gen. 2:18.
Workers at home.
Women “…be sensible, pure, workers at home….” Titus 2:5. The harlot, we
are told, “…is boisterous and rebellious; her feet do not remain at home.”
Prov. 7:11.
Divide the spoil. In
this Scripture we are told of just one of the rewards of our remaining at home.
“And she who remains at home will divide
the spoil.” Ps. 68:12. Those of us who stay at home are able to take
advantage of yard sales and thrift stores for incredible buys (dividing the
spoil). Isn’t it such a shame how much money mothers are spending on their
clothing for work? And what about their
children’s clothes that are outgrown before they even look worn? As a working
wife, many times you not only miss out on these savings but cannot even shop
the sales because time is not available. Also, those who stay at home are able
to cook meals from scratch and do away with a lot of the expensive prepared
foods. They also have time to make use of discount food sources like day-old
bakeries. Yes, staying at home is a way of saving money and of being good
stewards of the Lord's money.
The Consequences
When you sit in your
house. It's important to learn God's laws and understand how they work.
They are similar to the law of gravity. Following the law of gravity and God's
laws will protect us. Here is one of God's law:, “And you shall teach them
diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when
you lie down and when you rise up.” Deut. 6:7. In other words, we are to spend all day long teaching our children. When
we are running around half crazy with all we are expected to do, how can we
have time to even sit down with our children in our own houses?
“Quality time”
contradicts this Scripture. We have seen the fruits of our children's behavior
when we must leave them on their own or give them over to the care of someone else.
No one has the same love and invested interest in the emotional, spiritual and
intellectual growth of our children as we do. When we work, we cannot possibly
be expected to give the same time and attention to our children. We know that no
one can take our place when it comes to love, sacrifice, and patience
with our children. When we are deceived or made to violate Scriptural
principles relating to mothers, we are left to deal with the bad fruits. Our
bad fruits are rebellious and demanding children who are now seen everywhere!
Helper suitable for
him. Women's Liberation’s whole basis has been to encourage women to try to
copy men's role in society. They
have tried to “blur” our differences and make us unhappy in our “God-given,”
specially created roles. “Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man
to be alone; I will make him a helper
suitable for him.' ” Gen. 2:18. They pushed us to get out and work, leaving
behind our children, our homes and our husbands.
But God created the baby within
her womb and gave that baby his
food from her breasts. God gave her the patience and the capacity to
nurture. This is the foundation of the love that the family is dependent upon.
However, when we started to “blur” our roles, it had a devastating effect on
our children, our homes, our families, our nation, and our entire society. But
the most forgotten, the most overlooked effect is the devastating effect this
has had on women.
House divided. “Any
kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself shall not
stand.” Matt. 12:25. A tactic of the enemy is to divide in order to conquer. By
dividing the home through the wife working outside the home, the enemy has
conquered the following:
Our children.
When their mother is gone, children will look to peers for guidance and for
approval, hence peer pressure.
Our daughters.
When their mother is working away from the home and then too busy in the
evenings to spend time with her daughters, girls look to a boyfriend for
reassurance during their hormonal and body changes.
Mothers. When
mothers began to work outside the home, they began to have their “own life.”
Just like their husbands, they had their jobs and their friends at work. Even
some of our own mothers are now “back at work” (or working for the first time).
Our husbands. So
often when the wife has a job, a division occurs within the husband/wife
relationship. Their interests are now divided, which results in infidelity or
apathy. This division weakens the marriage, which eventually ends in divorce.
My hand made me this
wealth. The husband and wife are also divided on what and when to buy,
because they each have “their own money. ” “Otherwise, you may say in your
heart, ‘My power and the strength of my
hand made me this wealth.’ But you shall remember the Lord your God, for it
is He who is giving you power to make wealth….” Deut. 8:17-18. When a wife is
bringing in part of the income, we witness major damage in their marriage. It
creates independence between the husband and wife. Business Week magazine looked at divorce from a financial
standpoint. Their study showed that “when a woman can provide for herself, she
no longer needs to be married.” What they failed to note was that quite often
the husband becomes dissatisfied with the wife's lack of attention. He searches
for that attention, usually at his place of work, and then the wife is faced
with adultery.
Troubles his own
house. “He that is greedy of gain will trouble
his own house.” Prov. 15:27. Many husbands encourage their wives to help
out by going back to work, never realizing the ill effects this decision will
have on their entire family. It will undermine his authority and will have
devastating effects on his marriage, and especially on his children.
Weary yourself to
gain wealth. With more money, instead of financially “getting ahead,” we
usually increase our spending, and, in most instances, we are in a worse
financial situation than before we went out to work. Prov. 23:4 says, “Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from
your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth
certainly makes itself wings, like an eagle that flies toward the heavens.” Why
don't we believe God's Word? “And my God shall supply all your needs,
according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19. His ways are
perfect. You can trust Him! If you are weary from being a workingwoman, then
cry out to Him and Him alone. Don't run to your husband about it. (See lesson
5, “Won Without a Word.”)
A house divided
against itself falls. Workingwomen are expected to divide their affections
and their priorities. “But He knew their thoughts, and said to them, 'Any
kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and a house divided against itself falls.' ” Luke 11:17. When women are
employed, they must fulfill and respond to all their bosses’ needs and desires
just to keep their jobs. They begin to display toward their bosses attitudes
and characteristics of an ideal wife! They are often asked to give away their
time with their family by working late, coming in early or working weekends.
They begin to show gratitude that should only be given to their husbands. When
their bosses pay them a compliment on their appearance or on their work, they
are thrilled. Their bosses may take them out to lunch or give them a bonus or
gifts. Is it any wonder that many wives now leave their husbands and run away
with their boss or co-worker? It's not just the husband leaving with his
secretary or co-worker anymore!
No one can serve two
masters. Workingwomen find themselves in two competing worlds. Each world
has a different set of demands and rewards. Scripture tells us that we cannot
serve two masters; no one can. “No one
can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other
or he will hold to one and despise the other.” Matt. 6:24. And isn't that
exactly what happens? We begin to follow one and then we begin to hate the
other. A wife either loves work and her family and home become an irritation,
or she hates work because she'd rather be at home.
Leave the presence of
a fool. When women work outside the home, they begin to suffer many
destructive pressures. Working with
others, especially non-Christians, takes its toll on us spiritually. Though
many feel they are the “light” in their place of work, most never really make a
difference. The Scriptures tell us, “Leave
the presence of a fool or you will not discern words of knowledge.” Prov.
14:7. And “Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts
good morals.” 1Cor. 15:33. If your place of work is causing you to compromise
your beliefs, it will eventually corrupt you.
Do not associate with
a gossip. We women have many common weaknesses; one is gossiping. A common pastime of women in the
workplace is gossip. We can't help it. A co-worker has a problem with her
husband, so we cut him down together. She has, or you have, trouble with that
new manager, so you murmur and complain all day, every day. Prov. 20:19 says,
“He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip.”
The ways of her
household. When we work we begin to neglect important home
responsibilities. “She looks well to the
ways of her household….” Prov. 31:27. We are not able to do the things that
we would do if we had time, such as baking, sewing, keeping our houses clean
and in order, and training our children. Even meal preparation time is cut to a
minimum. “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that
they might have life, and might have it abundantly.”
John 10:10. Ladies, Satan is a thief; he is stealing the abundant life God has
for you! Even your husband's needs are put on the back burner. So many times he
has to fend for himself when it comes to meals or having his clothes clean and
pressed. Ladies, there are women at your husband's place of work who are
looking for neglected husbands!
When we work, we cannot be at the door to greet our husband
because we are picking up the children from day care, running errands and
grocery shopping. Many men that find it's a lot like living as a bachelor
without the benefits of peace and quiet. Could this have something to do with
men choosing to have their own apartments rather than staying home?
But each one is
tempted. When the husband realizes that his wife's listening ear is gone, as
his wife hurries around in the evening to get ready for the next day,
temptation is at the door. Since men don't confide in other men, they find that
“listening, sympathetic ear” with another woman. “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his
own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is
accomplished, it brings forth death.” James 1:14-15. Yes, death – death of a
marriage.
Then when her husband announces that he is leaving, she is
the first to say “good riddance” or “don't let the door hit you on the way
out.” All too soon she finds herself sitting in a small, dumpy apartment with a
welfare check and food stamps. It all began with her just “bringing in a little
extra income.”
Cause to stumble. “It
would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were
thrown into the sea, than that he should cause one of these little ones to
stumble.” Luke 17:2. Is your working setting a bad example for other women? Is
there someone who has seen the wonderful life that you exhibit and she has
decided to return to work because it works so well for you? Or is she trying to
stay at home but her husband thinks she is a “bump on a log” because your
husband tells her husband how much money you bring in?
Marriage bed be
undefiled. If you are working while your children are in school, you may
not be home for your children after school. Many women think that the “right
time” to go to work (or go back to school) is when their children are in
school. So many children are “latchkey” kids spending hours in front of the
television watching immoral shows. Don't leave them in that place of
temptation. Shocking studies reveal that the parents’ own bed is the site of
most premarital sex while the parents are both out working. Consider Heb. 13:4:
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will
judge.”
To eat the bread of
painful labors. Article after article is written to give women tips to get
their husbands to help around the house, since women are helping with the
income. Everyone expects them to do
“their share” of the household chores. Studies have confirmed what we women
already know: they rarely help out.
Women are killing themselves doing “it all.” Ladies, God tells us “having it
all” is vanity. “It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat
the bread of painful labors; for He gives
to His beloved even in his sleep.” Ps. 127:2.
It is gone. A
wife working is financially unwise. Many mothers feel they must work outside
the home in order to make ends meet. She earns more, but then ends up spending
more. Instead of reducing the expenses by wise buying or doing some of the work
herself, she must settle on higher prices. “Do not weary yourself to gain
wealth, Cease from your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly makes
itself wings, like an eagle that flies toward the heavens.” Prov. 23:4. If you
wonder where this extra money is going, here are just a few women who have
shared their experiences of working and spending:
“The food I buy is usually already or partially prepared,
fast food or restaurant food for the speed and convenience. I am too tired to
cook and I feel I deserve a break.”
“I don't shop where and how I used to. The clothes I buy are
now at retail prices instead of shopping the sales, going to yard sales and
thrift shops, or sewing them myself. I find I don't keep the family’s clothes
in good condition (mended and pressed) like I used to. Instead, I give them
away and buy new.”
“I find that I need a lot more clothes per person. The extra
clothes are needed for my children and my husband since I can't get to the
laundry as often as I used to. I also need a lot more nice clothes for myself
that I never needed before I began working.”
“Now that I am working, we thought we could afford a good
Christian education for our children. I used to teach our children myself at
home; now I don't have that option.”
“We used to have only one car. I used to complain and
thought I would gain so much freedom. We now have a second car with the added
payments, insurance, maintenance, and extra gas. We really haven't gotten ahead
at all. Now besides working to pay for the car, my husband has me running
around doing all the things for him that he
used to do for me!”
“We thought we were making more until it came to tax time.
We found that more money is paid out in federal, Social Security, and state
income tax because we are now in a higher tax bracket.”
“By the time I pay out the money for our one daughter's
after-school care and the day-care bill, I figure I make about a half of
minimum wage.”
Teaching what is
good. If you are an older woman who works outside the home, you have no
free time to fulfill the commandment given to older women to teach the younger
women. In Titus 2:3-5 it says, “Older women…teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to
love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at
home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the Word of God
may not be dishonored.” Of course we know that the example of a wife who works
outside the home speaks volumes. Many older women really don't need the money;
they just don't know what to do with their time or they feel they are going
stir crazy having their retired husband around all the time. Here are some
suggestions:
Instead of spending time at a job, why not help the young,
inexperienced mother? She often is not being helped by her own mother. She
needs good godly counsel and direction in caring for and disciplining her
children properly. You will also be available to be with your own daughter or
daughter-in-law during or after the birth of your grandchildren.
If you remain in your home, you are available to open your
home for hospitality, for spiritual guidance, or as a “haven” for younger women
who are experiencing a difficult day.
So many older women are sharing the world's philosophies on
marriage and child rearing. You will be rendered totally ineffective in regard
to spiritual guidance since you have surrounded yourself with the foolish talk
and ideas of the world.
Older women, we have a vital influence in godly wisdom, but
it will be lost if you choose the world's ways rather than God's way. “Older
women…teach what is good!” Titus 2:3.
Won without a word. But
what if a husband tells his wife that she must
work? First of all, realize that it is your husband's place to save the day. He
is to be the savior of the body. “For the husband
is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself
being the Savior of the body.” Eph.
5:23. Many times we women are the ones who suggest going back to work, having a
home business, or cutting back. Just be quiet! “In the same way, you wives, be
submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to
the Word, they may be won without a word
by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful
behavior.” 1Pet. 3:1-2. Sit still, be quiet and pray. Then let your husband do
what he feels should be done. Respect him by being silent and agreeing with his
suggestions. (See lesson 5, “Won Without a Word.”)
I sought the Lord. But
what if your husband tells you to go to work, or what if you suggested you go
back to work by mistake, or what if your husband has left you? “I sought the Lord, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, and
their faces shall never be ashamed.” Ps. 34:4-5. As you seek the Lord in your
distress, you will have the added blessing of looking radiant!
Also, I stumbled on a real surprise. Larry Burkett wrote a
book entitled Women Leaving the Workplace.
The testimonies are awesome! They will show you the faithfulness of God on the
wife's behalf. Skip the financial steps Mr. Burkett gives you to return home or
to stay home. Stick to the testimonies because they will inspire you to trust
God totally and not rely on the “works of the flesh.” The point you will see is
to obey your husband and pray! God will give you the desires of your heart to
remain or to return home. Pray that the Lord will give you favor with your
husband, just as He did with Daniel when he would not compromise by eating the
king's food. Recently I prayed for a woman who was told she would never have
children; however, God had the last word and she conceived. She and her husband
had always lived on a double income so their families continued to try to make
her reconsider attempting to be a stay-at-home mom. Desperate, she got this
book but was DISCOURAGED beyond words as Larry emphasized the need for
“planning” and “putting funds away ahead of time”! I told her to STOP reading
what he wrote and read the testimonies. Encouraged in her faith, they had their
baby, she is staying at home and they are living better than when they had two
incomes! This is God rewarding those who trust HIM, not in themselves or in a
second paycheck!
Testimony:
Stella* came to the fellowship with a great dilemma. Her husband who had left
her was now requesting that she go back to work. Stella's daughters had just
entered high school and she had always planned to stay at home with them during
this crucial time in their lives.
That night we all prayed fervently for the Lord to deliver
her. We also counseled her to submit to her husband and get a resume together.
The next week she shared that no matter how hard she looked, she was unable to
even get an interview (even with her incredible experience and references). For
weeks we continued to pray for her deliverance. Stella's husband was drawing
closer to her as she exhibited her submission to his request. He had started to
weaken in his desire to have her work. He then told her that he would be
returning home to her and the girls within the next few months!
However, one night when I entered our room the women were in
fervent prayer again. Upon joining in, I was shocked at what I heard. Stella
and the other women were praying differently. They were praying that she would
get a job at some prestigious law firm that she had interviewed with that
morning! I confronted Stella and the group, but they were adamant that this was
the Lord's direction.
Stella did get her prestigious job. She has been working
downtown with a new hairstyle and fabulous clothing. It's been almost seven
years since her husband told her he was coming home. And if that wasn't sad
enough, one of her daughters found herself in trouble during her senior year
and the other daughter got mixed up with a much older divorced man the
following year.
Testimony:
Bobbie* was trusting the Lord for her marriage and trying to learn to be a
submissive wife, even though her husband was living with another woman. One
night her husband told her that he was going to have to sell her car to help
out with some of his debts. He promised that he would get her something else to
drive. (The car had been a gift from Bobbie's mother, was in great condition
and was paid for.) In subjection, Bobbie put a sign in the car's window with
the phone number. However, she prayed like crazy for the car “not to sell!”
Every week her husband was amazed that no one even called to inquire about the
car. He then decided to put the price on the sign and lowered it every week.
Nevertheless, there were no nibbles. Then one evening he proclaimed how totally
incredible it was that no one wanted this nice car. He told Bobbie that he had
made other arrangements and told her to take the sign down from the window.
Bobbie still has the car that the Lord protected. It is now
fifteen years old and her mechanic said it has many, many more miles to go. She
said that she keeps it because it reminds her of God's faithfulness!
Thus Sarah obeyed
Abraham. “For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in
God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him
lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being
frightened by any fear.” 1Pet. 3:5-6. If your husband is adamant about more
income, follow the steps below.
First, second and third, you must pray, pray and keep on
praying! Ask God to change your husband's heart, provide the money you need and
help you to reduce your bills. Debt is really the problem, so pray to get out
of debt.
If your husband still insists on your working, pray for a
way to bring in money without having to leave your home. Ask your husband how
much more money needs to come in in order to meet the bills. Some women have
been able to increase their family income without leaving the home, without
putting their children in day care and without resisting their husbands’
authority. Again, ask God for wisdom and for direction. He will guide you and
support you for your conviction to be
obedient to your husband and to obey His Word to be “keepers at home.”
He may strongly
support. Most importantly, have your
heart steadfast on remaining at home. “For the eyes of the Lord move to and
fro throughout the whole earth that He may strongly
support those whose heart is
completely His….” 2Chron. 16:9.
Caution: Don't
take other children in as a “day-care” for other “working women” to supplement your income! You are encouraging other
women to remain in the workplace with all the destructions that will befall
their families. Also, they will feel secure knowing their children are in the
care of a “good Christian woman.” Don't be deceived
into thinking that “well, if they have to work, her children deserve Christian
child care.” Read the book Who Will Rock
the Cradle? (See our Suggested Reading on page 177.) If a woman inquires
about your watching her children while she works, help her out on a temporary basis as you encourage her to
stay home.
Turns him back. Take
an opportunity each day to share with one working woman the destruction of her
working outside the home, especially if she has small children. “My brethren,
if any among you strays from the Truth, and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the
error of his way will save his soul from death, and will cover a multitude of
sins.” James 5:19-20. Remind her that a child needs his own mother; anything else
is a counterfeit! Remember, Satan is the author of the counterfeit. He is a
thief! Don't set yourself up as a counterfeit mother.
Quietness with it. So
many women who have daycares in their homes have sacrificed the needs of their
own children and families. Their children pick up so many destructive influences
and infectious diseases. The tranquility of their homes is most definitely
destroyed. “Better is a dry morsel and quietness
with it than a house full of feasting with strife.” Prov. 17:1.
Stewardship
Debt. Surely the biggest reason for women having
to work is that we are a society in debt. Rather than waiting for the
things that we want, we buy on credit. Instead of living within our means, we
live above our means. Rom. 13:8 says to “Owe
nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor
has fulfilled the law.”
Getting out of debt.
We must pray and work with God to get
out of debt. This must be our heart's (and our prayers’) desire. If your
husband is not behind it, you begin. Stop charging and make sure each purchase
is absolutely necessary. See if you can fix or fix-up what you feel you must
replace. The key is to wait! Also, don't forget to pray that your husband's
heart will be turned to getting and staying out of debt. Unless we get a hold
of this, we women will be (or have already been) “forced” to work. “The thief
comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life,
and might have it abundantly.” John 10:10. This is Satan's plan, to steal your
children (to daycare), to divide your home (two careers) and to ultimately
destroy your family (divorce).
But he
overspends. Many women blame their husbands for his overspending.
And often this is true. But that is not our problem; it's the Lord's because we
are not over our husbands. “But I want you to understand that Christ is the
head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of
Christ.” 1Cor. 11:3. Be quiet (win him without a word) about his spending. Give
him the respect God commands. “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to
your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they
may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your
chaste and respectful behavior.” 1Pet. 3:1. Also, you must make sure the log is
not in your eye. Are you overspending, too?
Testimony: Shari* got hold of the concept of getting out of
debt and no longer charging from a Bill Gothard seminar. However, she was not
the spender in the family. Her husband, who had left her, was the one who
overspent. Nevertheless, Shari wanted to do what she could and leave her
husband in the hands of the Lord. She claimed the verse in 1Cor. 7:14, “For the
unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife….”
When she needed some new underwear for one of her sons and a
haircut for herself, she approached her husband. He told her to go ahead and
put it on the charge card since things were “a bit tight.” Gently she told him
that “come to think about it, I really could wait for a hair cut and it would
be simple to mend the underwear.” Puzzled, he asked her to explain why she
wouldn't just charge them. She respectfully told her husband about the
seminar's teachings and her desire not to put her husband into any more
financial debt. He told her that it was really “okay,” but it was up to her.
Shari took this opportunity to give her husband all of her
charge cards (a leap of faith for her). But God blessed Shari for her
faithfulness and now their family is back together and working together toward
getting completely out of debt. Her husband did tell her that, when she
wouldn't buy underwear or cut her hair because of her convictions about not
using credit cards any more, he was sure that she had really gone off the deep
end! Praise the Lord that Shari's husband has also taken the plunge!
Contentment. As
women we must begin first to be content and live within the means and
provisions that our husbands can comfortably provide. “Not that I speak from
want; for I have learned to be content
in whatever circumstances I am.” Phil. 4:11. “And if we have food and covering,
with these we shall be content.”
1Tim. 6:8. By remaining content, we can help our husbands fulfill the following
verse: “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of
his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1Tim.
5:8.
Faith. We women
need to have faith that God will provide for our needs. (And so often our wants
too!) If we can just wait! “Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart
take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.” Ps. 27:14.
Love of money.
Dr. McGee once said that it wasn't money that was evil, but the “love” of
money. “For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil,
and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith, and pierced
themselves with many a pang.” 1Tim. 6:10. “Let your character be free from the love of money, being content with what you have….” Hebr. 13:5. The biggest
pitfalls when you have the “love of money” are:
Getting deeper into
debt. Once a wife begins working, rather than getting out of debt, the
couple will likely get into deeper debt. You buy more and raise your standard
of living. “Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from your consideration
of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly makes
itself wings, like an eagle that flies toward the heavens.” Prov. 23:4.
Feeling stuck.
Many men, who later fell into immorality with someone at work, had expressed a
desire to leave their jobs or positions, but felt stuck because of debt. “Flee
immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the
immoral man sins against his own body.” 1Cor. 6:18. At Restore Ministries we
see that most men who fall into adultery do so at their place of work. They may
not have the spiritual strength to “flee” when their families are depending on
them for their paychecks. Joseph did have the spiritual strength; let us pray
for our husbands to have the same. “And she caught him by his garment, saying,
'Lie with me!' And he left his garment in her hand and fled, and went outside.” Gen. 39:12.
Stop buying. One
way to break the spending mode is to de-junk your house. Read the book Clutter's Last Stand about de-junking
your life by Don Aslett. As you begin to see a lot of your possessions as junk,
you stop buying unneeded purchases. It worked for me!
But the LORD weighs
the motives. Pray for your husband to be able and willing to support your
family. One of the reasons why your husband is not fully supporting your family
may be because you handle the finances. A man is ripped of his manliness when
his wife pays the bills. Men are unaware of how much is coming in and how much
is going out. If he is in charge, he may be motivated to work harder to earn
more or to cut back on his and your spending.
Many women feel very uncomfortable when their husbands
control the finances. It’s too much submission for their liking. Most women don't want their husbands to even know
how much money they spend or what they spend money on. They would rather
“control” the money. This is a big mistake. We may say we handle the finances
because we are better with numbers, have more time, or are more responsible,
but Prov. 16:2 says “All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, But the LORD weighs the motives.” We
need to be under our husband’s authority in everything! “But as the
church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in
everything.”
Eph. 5:24. Trust the Word and try this method of your husband controlling the
finances and checkbook. See if you don't have a better worker and more
responsible man for you to love and respect.
Testimony:
Debbie* and Nancy* went through school together. They got married only a week
apart from each other. However, they had two totally different concepts about
who should control the finances. Both of the women's husbands were quite
irresponsible with money. Debbie decided that if they were ever to get ahead,
she would have to take charge. Nancy, on the other hand, had seen the
destruction that had occurred in her family growing up when her mother held the
checkbook and paid the bills. So she knew God must have a different plan.
These ladies have each been married for eighteen years.
Debbie has worked throughout their marriage and they still live in the same
condo they bought just after they got married. Once, when it was Debbie's
birthday, Nancy asked Debbie's husband what he was going to get her for her
birthday. Embarrassed, he stated that he had no way of getting her anything. He
said that if he asked her for some more money, she would ask “what for?”; then
she would say she didn't need anything, and the subject would be dropped. Her
husband did have a good heart, though. He ended up going to the grocery store
where she worked as a cashier and brought a bouquet of flowers to her aisle; he
said this was the only way he could surprise her.
Nancy knows that she took the right road. Her husband has
been the sole provider for several years now and they have a large home with
land for themselves and their children. The added bonus to applying this
Biblical principle, even though she didn't know it was a Biblical principle,
was that she is one blessed woman! She has a lot of beautiful jewelry, a closet
full of gorgeous clothes and even a full-length mink coat. She says that she
never would buy any of these things for herself, but her husband insists! She
also says that she has never had one day of worrying or a sleepless night over
a lack of finances, even though things had at times been tight.
Maybe you don't want jewelry or a mink coat, but I'm sure
you all would appreciate a husband who shows you how much he cherishes you and
takes on the burdens of your life!
Servant of all.
Many women feel that they are not utilizing their “God-given talents” if they
stay in the home to care for their husband and children. But that is not
Christ's message. “And sitting down, He called the twelve and said to them, ‘If
anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all, and servant of all.’ ” Mark
9:35. Jesus spoke those words to the apostles as they tried to compete to see
who was the greatest. Jesus also said of Himself “I came not to be served but to
serve” (Matt. 20:28). Jesus could have been anything He wanted and yet He
“chose” to serve. You too have many talents. Will you choose to follow Christ
in servanthood? Certainly there is no better place to be a servant than as a
wife and mother, when we consider God's Word. He says we are “Great”!
Let us all pray Ps. 37:4-9 out loud: Ps. 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will
give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in
Him, and He will do it. And He will bring forth your righteousness as the
light…Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him
who prospers in his way…Do not fret, it leads only to evildoing…But those who
wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.”
May God return and keep Christian women at home!
Personal commitment:
To obey God's command to be workers at home and to teach this to younger women.
“Based on what I have learned from God's Word, I commit to praying to remain or
return home. I will be a helper to my own husband. I will teach and train my
own children. I will appreciate the home God has given me and take good care of
it. I will share the Truth with other working women and pray for their return
home.”
Date: _________ Signed:________________________________________________________
Warning: Be very careful of multilevel marketing concepts,
especially ones that tell you about great amounts of money for very little
work. “A man with an evil eye hastens after wealth, and does not know that want will come upon him.” Prov. 28:22. Many groups tell you it's just
getting people signed up, but Prov. 13:11 says, “Wealth obtained by fraud
dwindles, but the one who gathers by labor
increases it.” The most distressing thing about multilevel marketing is the way
these marketing advisors have you exploit your friendships. Just a couple of
nights ago I got a phone call from a man whom I didn't even know. He said he
had met our family at a home school meeting years ago. He began to praise my
children, going on for several minutes, and me. Then I found out the real
reason for his call: he had a business that was looking for superior
individuals like my husband and myself. This has happened dozens of times
before. “There is nothing reliable in what they say; their inward part is destruction
itself; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue.” Ps.
5:9.