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|Chapter 15
Your
Mother’s Teachings
“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction,
And do not forsake
your mother’s teaching;
Indeed, they are a
graceful wreath to your head,
And ornaments about
your neck.” Proverbs 1:8.
Today there is a lot
of talk about whether or how to correct our children with corporal punishment
and very little about teaching, training, or love. Many wonder what method of
child discipline they should use. Certainly, one that works and one that brings
about bountiful fruits! God said that anything that is not founded on His Word is on sinking sand. But how
can we discern whether the method we follow is based on Scripture? You can
discern the truth by knowing God's Word. Let's search the Scriptures and seek
the Truth.
Love Your Children
As parents, we must discipline ourselves first and begin to
build a strong foundation of love for our children. If we fail to invest love
in our children, we will have resistance and rebellion to our teaching,
training and our correction. Therefore, love will be our foundation and love
will be our children’s motivation to obey us.
We love, because He
first loved us. The foundation of love is found in 1John 4:19: “We love,
because He first loved us.” We are loved first by God; we, in turn, love Him.
Similarly, our children cannot give love without being loved first. When I am
the first to give love to my child, my child in turn will learn to love.
An example. The
Lord gave us an example that we are to follow. “For you have been called for
this purpose…leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps.” 1Pet.
2:21. It was the love that the Lord had for His Father that resulted in His
obedience to His Father’s will. “And He was saying, ‘Abba! Father! All things
are possible for Thee; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what
Thou wilt.’ ” Mark 14:36. Love motivates obedience. As we grow more in love with
our Lord, we become motivated to righteous living.
I have always wondered why children of godly parents
(parents who without a doubt followed God's Word on discipline) still went
astray. Could it sometimes have to do with an inadequate expression of love? Of
course, most parents love their children, but does it show? How do they look at
their children? Do they express loving words? How much time do they spend with
their children? The bottom line is: do their children feel loved?
Blessing or curse?
In lesson 12, “Fruit of The Womb,” we learned from God's Word that children are
a blessing, even though our society tells us differently. But what do you believe in your heart? You cannot
give the deepest heartfelt love to your children if you think of children as a curse.
What do you say in front of them? What do you say behind
their backs? What does your attitude toward your children convey to them? Do
you say one thing to your children, say something else to others, and, at the
same time, dread the thought of any more children? “For let not that man expect
that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” James 1:7-8.
What then is love? We are told about love in our books, our
movies and our media. Everyone tells us what he or she thinks love is. But shouldn’t we go to the author of love
for the true description? “And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all
mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove
mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my
possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not
have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient,
love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is
not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into
account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices
with the Truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love
never fails.” 1Cor. 13:2-8. It is
quite clear that love is more than just a feeling, as we have been told. Love
is an action or reaction we make toward others. Let’s look deeper into the
words that are in bold in the preceding Scripture.
Patient. Patience
is a reaction. Patience is
definitely more than a necessity when dealing with children. We only need to
look at the parents we see in public with their children to see that patience
is in very low supply today. If these parents are this fed up with their
children in public, how do they act in private? The following verse is a
perfect prescription for a wife and mother to use with her children. “And we
urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men.” 1Ths. 5:14.
“And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged….” 2Tim. 2:24.
Kind. Kindness
goes a long way when dealing with children. Sometimes, however, we seem to
forget. “And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient
when wronged….” 2Tim. 2:24. “…sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own
husbands, that the Word of God may not be dishonored.” Titus 2:5. We must speak
kindly and gently with our children. When training your children, it is
important to get their attention first by calling their name. Then take the
time to look at them lovingly in the eyes and speak kindly to them. This does
not mean that we are trying to plead or beg for their obedience; it is merely
the difference between speaking gentle words and barking out commands.
Not jealous. We
should be keenly aware that favoritism can cause jealousy between siblings. If
one child exhibits unfavorable habits, mannerisms or the like, it may cause you
to favor his sibling(s). Instead, love your troubled child enough to work with
him on his weaknesses. Or have you
forgotten the discord in Joseph's family caused by favoritism? It resulted in a
notorious jealousy! “And his brothers were jealous
of him, but his father….” Gen. 37:11.
Does not act
unbecomingly. Acting unbecomingly has become commonplace in too many of our
homes, as well as in public. Major “scenes” or “ranting and ravings” go on all
too often instead of the gentle and quiet
spirit God loves so much. Love your children enough to control your spirit. Then control theirs until
you can teach them to control their own. “Like a city that is broken into and
without walls is a man who has no
control over his spirit.” Prov. 25:28. “But let it be the hidden person of
the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”
1Pet. 3:4.
Seek its own. We
women are bombarded every day with encouragement to “do our own thing” and have
“our own life.” Only a few years ago we would have called that attitude
“selfish and self-centered.” But be assured that selfishness will reap only
sorrow and regrets. God’s Word says, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty
conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself….” Phil.
2:3.
Not provoked. How
short is your fuse? Are you quick to fly off the handle? Is most of what you
say in a raised voice? “A hot-tempered man [or mother] stirs up strife, but the
slow to anger pacifies contention.”
Prov. 15:18. “He who is slow to anger
is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a
city.” Prov. 16:32. “A man’s discretion
makes him slow to anger, and it is
his glory to overlook a transgression.” Prov. 19:11.
We must learn to be discreet when we are offended or
disappointed. “As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a beautiful woman
who lacks discretion.” Prov. 11:22.
Royalty is taught to control their feelings in public. Ladies, we are children
of the King; we should therefore act accordingly in the presence of all others
and teach our children to do the same.
Bears all things.
God expects us to bear burdens with His help. The burdens of a mother can
sometimes seem unbearable. This is the time to run to Him. “Blessed be the
Lord, who daily bears our burden,
The God who is our salvation. Selah.” Ps. 68:19. “For this finds favor, if for
the sake of conscience toward God a man bears
up under sorrows when suffering
unjustly.” 1Pet. 2:19.
Believes all things.
To follow Scripture when training, disciplining and correcting our children,
will take faith. But, praise God! We have His promise that we will not be
disappointed! “…for with the heart
man believes, resulting in
righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.” Rom.
10:10. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.”
Rom. 10:11. Authors and manufacturers tell us that following their directions
or buying their products will change our lives. Trust our Creator and the
author of life to receive His Promises!
Hopes all things.
Our hope for our children must be in the Lord. As you follow Him in obedience to
His Word and have faith that He will complete what He has begun in us and in
our children, know that He will complete it. This is our hope! “The
hope of the righteous is gladness,
but the expectation of the wicked perishes.” Prov. 10:28. “Know that wisdom is
thus for your soul; If you find it, then there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.” Prov. 24:14.
Endures all things.
Motherhood is sometimes very difficult. When we feel we are at the end of our
rope, God encourages us to hang on to Him. “But the one who endures to the end, he shall be saved.”
Matt. 24:13. “And you will be hated by all on account of My name, but the one
who endures to the end, he shall be
saved.” Mark 13:13.
Love never fails.
This is our greatest promise: His love for us and our love for one another,
especially our children, will never fail! “Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all transgressions.” Prov.
10:12. “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed.” Prov. 27:5.
“Who is a God like Thee…He (God) delights
in unchanging love.” Micah 7:18. Whenever I am unsure how I should deal with
my children, I choose to react in love since I have the promise that it never fails!
How do I convey my love to my children?
Many mothers give
their children material possessions, but children need something else. They
need you!
Your time. The
most important thing you can give to your child is your time. When we like
someone, or love someone, we want to spend our time with them. Where is your
time being spent most? Where does your child fall in level of importance to
you? If you wait for there to be time for your children, they may not be
children anymore! Then they will show their gratitude to you by having little
or no time to spend with you. What
could possibly be more important than that little boy or girl? We know we waste
so much precious time on things that will mean absolutely nothing years from
now. There is such a great reward in spending our time with our children. It is
the greatest investment you could ever make. You will be investing in their
future and your future too.
Make eye contact.
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will
counsel you with My eye upon you.”
Ps. 32:8. We need to teach and instruct our children with our eyes. But how can
we do that when most of our time is spent dropping our children off at a
multitude of activities? Even if we do stay to watch, many times we are in deep
and lively conversation with another mother. Our lives are hurried, stressful,
too full, and much too tiring.
If our children are never around because of school, sports,
music lessons and other activities, how can we possibly instruct or guide them?
We must make the time to look into their eyes, to show our love for them and to
instruct them. They must know that they are the apple of our eyes! “Keep me as
the apple of the eye….” Ps. 17:8. All the activities and talents that seem to
keep us so busy are usually temporary; therefore, they have only temporal
value. “…while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things
which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things
which are not seen are eternal.” 2Cor. 4:18.
Your touch. Touch
is very important. It has healing and comforting powers.
Consider these verses:
“And they were bringing even their babies to Him so that He
might touch them….” Luke 18:15.
“And they were bringing children to Him so that He might touch them….” Mark 10:13.
“And they brought a blind man to Him, and entreated Him to touch him.” Mark 8:22.
“And all the multitude were trying to touch Him, for power was
coming from Him and healing them all.” Luke 6:19.
“But Jesus said, ‘Someone did touch Me, for I was aware that power
had gone out of Me.’ ” Luke 8:46.
The first touch.
The decision to breast-feed is a decision that is made at most women's first
prenatal visit. We will see that breast-feeding is not only for food but also
for your baby’s first touch. The formula companies are now required by law to
tell the truth in their ads that breast milk is best for the baby. As mothers,
we want the best for our babies. Because of our past failures to nurse, because
we plan to go back to work, or just because we want to “leave” the baby
sometimes, we may choose an imitation milk and surrogate sucking for our
babies. Many times it is our own mothers or our friends who encourage us to
bottle-feed. As an older woman, I want to encourage you younger women to
breast-feed all your babies, since older women should “…encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their
children….” Titus 2:3-4.
Are we to comfort or
not? “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of
mercies and God of all comfort who comforts us in all our affliction so
that we may be able to comfort those
who are in any affliction with the comfort
with which we ourselves are comforted
by God.” 2Cor. 1:3. The natural response of a mother whose baby or child is
crying is to comfort. Experts come and go, along with their recommendations on
whether to respond to a crying child. We are presently being told to teach our
children to comfort themselves, to help them to become independent.
Children comfort themselves by hugging a stuffed animal,
rocking themselves, sucking their thumbs or their fingers, or taking a
pacifier. Children whose needs have been thwarted seem never to “wean”
completely or at the proper time. This causes those who have been given a
“substitute” to God's provision to become insecure. These children are sucking
longer and longer. If you take the time to look around, you will notice that it
is not just babies sucking their thumbs, but children of elementary school age
and older! This is now commonplace and accepted in today's schools! This should
be a warning to us that something has deviated from God's perfect plan and
design. God's ways are always perfect.
Are we to listen and
respond to our child’s cries or not? Do we
plead with God asking Him to hear us, comfort us and help us? “Hear, O LORD,
when I cry with my voice, and be
gracious to me and answer me.” Ps. 27:7. “Hear…when I cry to Thee for help….”
Ps. 28:2. “…give ear to my cry; do not be silent at my tears….” Ps. 39:12. Let
us not ignore our children’s cries for us! Do we want “experts” or older men to
tell our husbands to ignore our cries and that it is good for us to cry it out
– alone? Of course not! Even if nothing works when you try to comfort your
child, your child can still feel your love. NO ONE wants to hear her husband
say something flip about her tears like “Oh, it's just because you’re pregnant”
or “You've just had a bad day ” or “It’s just that time of the month.” We want
understanding and comfort. We want to be held in our husbands’ arms.
Mothering techniques come and go. Different psychologists
and child experts tell us different things.
Let's hold their advice up to the “light” of Scripture to clearly see
the Truth. Then we will be founded on the Rock.
The touch at bath
time. In our hurried world, we are bathing our children less and less. We
see these children in the grocery stores, unbathed and uncared for. Bathing,
when done unhurriedly, will give them a time to unwind and calm down. When we
wash our children “lovingly,” it helps our child feel loved. After the bath,
the child is so soft and sweet-smelling that we naturally cuddle and hold them
close. Moms, our children need this type of unhurried love from us. And once you're done holding them or reading a
storybook to them, send them to sit quietly on Daddy's lap to encourage a
loving touch from him. You cannot give your children a better gift.
They are grown.
You may be reading this and thinking that it's too late because your children
are grown. No, it is never too late to show love. Begin now to love your grown
children. Begin with your words. Are they loving, accepting and caring? Lay the
groundwork with a loving hug and an “I love you,” no matter what their age.
They are too big.
No one is too big to need affection and a gentle touch. If they are in their
teen years, begin with a loving nudge, a back scratch, a loving squeeze on
their arm, or a quick hug. Give them
a smile with your eyes and praise them for something. Ask God to set up the
perfect opportunity for you to say something kind, loving and sincere.
Regrets. Have you
made mistakes or do you have regrets about your parenting? Have you shared these regrets with your grown
child? It's humbling, but rewarding. “A man’s pride will bring him low, But a
humble spirit will obtain honor.” Prov. 29:23. If your family needs healing,
there is a scriptural recipe. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and
pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a
righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16.
Maybe you should begin by confessing to a close friend your
failures, so that both of you can bathe them in prayer. Pray for an
opportunity, for the right words to say and for the heart of your grown child
to be receptive to hear. Be prepared to hear their hurts. God tells us, “A
brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are
like the bars of a castle.” Prov. 18:19. But do not lose heart. Prov. 10:12
says, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.” And 1Pet.
4:8 says “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love
covers a multitude of sins.” Make sure that you accept all responsibility. It
may be wise to review lessons 3 and 4, “Gentle and Quiet Spirit” and “Kindness
is On Her Tongue” before your meeting.
Loving discipline.
We must also express our love for our children with loving discipline. “Those
whom I love, I reprove and discipline; be zealous therefore, and repent.” Rev.
3:19. Our children need our discipline so that others can love them as well. We
have heard the saying: He is a son only a mother could love. A
child who is undisciplined, unruly and lacking in self (or parental) control
has been done a great disservice by his parents. It is especially shameful to
the mother. “The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way
brings shame to his mother.” Prov.
29:15. Our children need us to train them so they can become responsible
adults. This all takes time, patience and kindness. You will need to bear many
things, believe many things, hope many things and endure many things, but that
kind of love will never fail!
For more information there is a Workbook, HomeSchooling for Him! available through
our ministry.
Our Foundation for Discipline Must Be His Word
For teaching, for
reproof, for correction, for training. Discipline is referred to 90 times
in the Old Testament when God disciplines His children and when God's children
discipline their own children. Discipline is found 36 times in Proverbs, almost
always referring to the parent-child relationship. If we want to be well-versed
in child training, we should read and mark these verses in Proverbs as our
foundation for training our children. “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in
righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good
work.” 2Tim. 3:16-17. As we will see in the following verses, discipline is a
tool for restoration, rather
than condemnation, to bring a person back to his rightful place spiritually.
To know what was in
his heart. Correction does not always denote the infliction of pain or
disappointment. As mothers, we must
live disciplined lives in order to properly discipline and correct our
children. We must be determined to win every conflict with our self-control and not
“give in” or overlook the behavior or attitude. “…the fruit of the
Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control; against
such things there is no law.” Gal. 5:22. Have you been negligent in correcting
because you really don’t want to be bothered? “God left him to test him, that
He might know all that was in his heart.” 2Chr. 32:31.
Thy Word is Truth. We
also find that God always preceded His physical punishment by first
communicating His Word. “The sum of Thy Word is Truth, and every one of Thy righteous ordinances is
everlasting.” Ps. 119:160. This is called chastening. The dictionary defines
chastening as “training that is expected to produce a specified character or
pattern of behavior.” As parents we must use chastening or physical punishment
to change the child's pattern of behavior and bring about a character change.
What has kept us from following God’s Word?
Not knowing the
Scriptures. It is our responsibility to know Scripture well enough to keep
us from being deceived. “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a
workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling
accurately the Word of Truth.” 2Tim. 2:15.
He will go astray. The
lack of proper instruction from God's Word in our Sunday school classes or from
the pulpit has resulted in the repercussion of masses of rebellious children.
“He will die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray.” Prov. 5:23.
Lack of knowledge. We
lack the Biblical knowledge to correctly train and discipline our children.
Therefore, “My people are destroyed
for lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6.
Turned aside to
fruitless discussion. Many Christians follow the most popular “experts” of
their day. However, we are told in Scripture that we are not to pay any
attention to them. “…instruct certain men not to teach strange doctrines, nor
to pay attention to myths and endless genealogies, which give rise to mere
speculation…For some men, straying from these things, have turned aside to fruitless discussion….” 1Tim. 1:3.
Myths. We are
told that we will look for what we “want” to hear. “For the time will come when
they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled,
they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own
desires; and will turn away their ears from the Truth, and will turn aside to myths.” 2Tim. 4:3-4. Some of the
more popular myths that are prevalent in our Christian books and are accepted theories
of discipline among Christians:
The strong-willed
child. When searching Scripture, you will find that God makes no distinction between personality types
such as strong-willed, melancholy, lion, etc. for disciplining, training or
teaching children. Certainly, a child who does not bend when switched should be
dealt with carefully lest we neglect the Word of God. We must be very careful
to resist adding to God's Word. “You shall not add to the word which I am
commanding you, nor take away from it, that you may keep the commandments of
the LORD your God which I command you.” Deut. 4:2.
Another thing we are
erroneously told is not to break the “spirit” of the child. But the purpose
of punishment is to destroy the
“spirit” of rebellion. If you tell the child not to do something and they do
it, you must punish the rebellion.
Threatening will not destroy a “spirit” of rebellion. As a matter of fact,
constant threatening will only intensify the spirit of rebellion. You must
punish with the rod. Never “threaten.” You must always mean what you say and
carry out the punishment after you have warned. If you don't, you are lying to
your child! “A youngster's heart is filled with rebellion, but punishment will drive
it out of him.” Prov. 22:15 KJV.
Deliberate defiance.
Another misconception found in popular books on discipline is that we must only
discipline for “deliberate defiance.” Yet, we clearly find in Scripture that
this is not the Truth. “Foolishness” is also a call for punishment, for example
if a child forgets to do things that he is told to do. “Foolishness
is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod
of discipline will remove it far from him.” Prov. 22:15. But why would we
embrace something that is false and not found in Scripture? Could it be that we
want to hear something untrue about
child discipline? Could it be our fear?
Fear of man brings a
snare. But if we do discipline the way Scripture tells us to, well, what
about the HRS and child abuse? Again, let's look at Scripture for the Truth.
“The fear of man brings a snare, but
he who trusts in the LORD will be exalted.” Prov. 29:25.
Do not fear the
reproach of man. What might other people (family or friends) say? “Listen
to Me, you who know righteousness, A people in whose heart is My law; Do not fear the reproach of man,
Neither be dismayed at their reviling.”
Isa. 51:7. (Reviling is defined as verbal attacks. Reproach is defined as
blame, disgrace or discredit.) We are then not to be worried about verbal
attacks or people trying to disgrace or discredit us. “And you, son of man, neither
fear them nor fear their words, though thistles and thorns are with you and you
sit on scorpions; neither fear their words nor be dismayed at their presence,
for they are a rebellious house.” Ezek. 2:6.
Do not add to His
Words. Shun the “theories” and correction “techniques” of today’s world,
i.e. “time out,” “grounding” or removing privileges, etc. in lieu of using the
rod. “Do not add to His Words lest
He reprove you, and you be proved a
liar.” Prov. 30:6.
His way. Make a
covenant with God that you will follow His
way regardless of what the world says.
The Truth on Discipline
Let's look at
specific references in Scripture for wisdom:
When you punish a
child it proves to him that you love him. “He who spares his rod
hates his son, but he who loves him takes care to chastise him.”
Prov. 13:24. I have explained to my children that I don’t discipline other
children, only my own. This is because I love them in the same way as our
Heavenly Father loves us and He only disciplines those who are His. “For those
whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and he scourges every son whom He
receives.” Hebr. 12:6.
The time to punish is
from the beginning. Don’t wait to turn your child from his wrong ways.
“Discipline your child early while
there is still hope.” Prov. 19:18. The Living Bible adds, “if you don't you
will ruin his life.” This means both early in age and early in their
disobedience. So many think that you can’t or shouldn't train a baby to do the
right thing. However, you’d be amazed at what a very young child is able to
understand. The hardest thing to break
is a toddler’s or older child’s behavior (or attitude) that they have been
allowed to enjoy. Stop and punish the bad behavior the first time they do it.
Fools despise wisdom
and instruction. We can see that we must not just break the “will” of the
child, but we must break the “spirit” of rebellion. But how can we tell if it's
the will or the spirit that has yielded? If the child exhibits any type of
anger, resentment or sarcasm after the punishment, it means the spirit of
rebellion is still there! “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Prov. 1:7. Rebellion opposes authority
and thus opposes God.
He will not die. Temporary pain is profitable for permanent character change. Who is
stronger and more determined, you or your child? “Do not withhold discipline
from a child. If you punish him with a rod, he will not die.” Prov. 23:13.
In life we must face pain “for a season” to enjoy what God wants to give us
for a lifetime.
What are the benefits
of properly correcting our children? The real benefits of punishment are
spiritual. “Punish him with a rod and you'll save his soul from Sheol.” The Living Bible says, “They won't die if you use
a stick on them; punishment will keep them out
of hell.” Prov. 23:14.
Again, when you
punish a child it proves to him that you love him. “He who spares his rod hates
his son, but he who loves him takes
care to chastise him.” Prov. 13:24.
The purpose of
punishment is to redirect the life. “Guide a horse with a whip, a donkey
with a bridle, and a rebel with a rod to his back.” Prov. 26:3. Don't use a
whip since your child is not a horse, nor a belt since your child is not a
donkey. To follow Scripture we must use a “wooden” rod on the backside. We have
used a switch that has brought about true repentance. “The rod and reproof give
wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” Prov.
29:15. Avoiding punishment will eventually bring shame to you as a mother. All
the Scriptures are clear about punishment: the rod is the only “cure” for
rebellion. Other “techniques” can be used after the rod, but they are rarely
needed and should be used sparingly and cautiously.
The ministry of
reconciliation. “You’re Grounded!”
Many parents believe in and practice the method of grounding. During a
designated period of time the child is to be “in the dog house,” so to speak.
But this is not Scriptural. We must apply physical punishment (the rod) and
then train our children to ask for forgiveness. Then we should forgive! “Now
all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and
gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ
reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them,
and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.” 2Cor. 5:18-19.
Forgive and comfort
him. Show your love for them afterwards. “…forgive and comfort him, lest
somehow such a one be overwhelmed by excessive
sorrow. Wherefore I urge you to reaffirm your love for him.” 2Cor. 2:6.
Applying the Rod:
He who loves him
disciplines him. Do you love your child enough to apply the rod?
“Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death.” Prov.
19:18. “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Prov. 13:24. And,
“Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; be zealous therefore, and
repent.” Rev. 3:19.
Many parents let their children get away with disobedience
because they fail to tell them what is expected of them and don’t believe it’s
“fair” to apply the rod. Instead they warn, warn and warn. When you tell your children they are to do or not to do something,
see if there is a reference for your teaching in the Bible. If there is a specific Scripture that applies, then open up the
Bible and have them (or you) read it out loud. Ladies, this is a good reason to
know the Word!
Your goal in using a rod (a switch) is for the child to
associate sin with pain. What is most important is that the child knows,
through your actions, that you are not angry with him, but rather you hate the
sin. Isn’t this following the same pattern our heavenly Father uses with us?
God will discipline us but He never stops loving us.
When you call a child to come, and he chooses not to comply,
simply walking over and switching the back of his little leg will encourage him
to move. When a child is told not to call out for a drink or anything else
after she has been put to bed, it is as simple as walking in, pulling back the
covers and applying a little switch. Then bend down, kiss her again and tell
her kindly and lovingly not to call again. When two children have been told not to
fight, it is as simple as walking over to them and giving each a quick switch.
There is no need to yell, be angry or explain!
If they seem shocked, you may explain after you have already applied the rod. There are too many parents
who spend time debating with their children. Mothers, your family is not a
democracy. God in His infinite wisdom created a line of authority for a
purpose. Don’t undermine your authority with verbal debates with your children.
And don’t wait until you are angry.
“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.”
Prov. 17:22. If you wait, hoping they will come, or obey, or stop what they are
doing, then there is a good chance that you will become angry. If, instead, you
apply the rod (a switch) that brings about a sting without delay, you can keep
your countenance joyful.
You were made
sorrowful to the point of repentance. The use of the rod is to bring about
compliance and repentance. “I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful,
but that you were made sorrowful to the
point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of
God, in order that you might not suffer loss in anything through us.” 2Cor. 7:9. “You shall beat him with the rod,
and deliver his soul from Sheol.” Prov.
23:14. If at this point you want to tell me that your children won’t respond to
a switch or any other physical correction – then you are not applying enough of
them or they are not hard enough! You simply must make sure it hurts.
Many parents are afraid of permanent damage, or they are
afraid that they may become abusive. All a child ever needs is to feel the
“full effects” of a rod one time for them to always respect
the switch and their parents. Abuse stems from anger. If you “nip it in the
bud” each and every time instead of ignoring improper behavior, then you will
never reach the point of abuse. Abuse is on the increase because parents have
stopped using corporal punishment with their children. By the time the child
has totally exhausted the parent’s patience (because all the other methods
simply don’t work), then the frazzled parent responds by losing control.
Speaks from that
which fills his heart. It is sometimes important to ask for an “I'm sorry,
please forgive me for….” since “The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and
adds persuasiveness to his lips.” Prov. 16:23. “The good man out of the good
treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the
evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.” Luke 6:45. This should be
sincere without any resentment, anger or coaxing. If the child again rebels
against your authority, by refusing to comply to your request with the right
heart, then repeat the switches until they feel the “full effects.”
A countenance that is
lifted up. You must see true
repentance. “…So Cain became very angry and his countenance fell. Then the LORD
said to Cain, 'Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you
do well, will not your countenance be
lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin
is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master
it.' ” Gen. 4:5-7. If you are too frightened to follow through, and you allow
their covert anger towards you as the authority, you will someday find that
their bitterness towards you will destroy your relationship.
Forgive and comfort
him. Once you have a child whose rebellious spirit is broken, then reaffirm
your love for him, verbally and physically. Hug him or hold him in your lap, if
he is not too old or too heavy. “Wherefore I urge you to reaffirm your love for
him.” 2Cor. 2:8. “Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which was
inflicted by the majority, so that on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort him, lest somehow
such a one be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.” 2Cor. 2:6-7. At this point,
there should be no need for you to “ground them,” “send them to their room,”
“take away their privileges” or use any other means of punishment.
Reaffirm your love
for him. After using the rod on your child, make sure that you show your
love for him. “Wherefore I urge you to reaffirm
your love for him.” 2Cor. 2:8. Never correct or administer the “rod” in
front of those outside the immediate family. We should never shame our children
while embarrassing the onlookers in the process. “Let all that you do be done
in love.” 1Cor. 16:14. “The wise in heart will be called discerning, and
sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” Prov. 16:21. Love is an
important foundation for you to show to your child. “But the goal of our
instruction is love from a pure heart
and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” 1Tim. 1:5. Make sure that your attitude
towards them confirms that all is forgiven and forgotten.
Warning: If you
as a mother go through the proper steps of correction, then there should be no
need to punish them a second time “when their father gets home.” If you want to
make your husband aware of a problem that has transpired during the day, then
do it privately. Even our court system does not allow anyone to be tried twice
for the same crime!
Happiness and peace
of mind. God's Word is true. Do you trust Him or do you trust the world's
advice or the world's warnings? “Discipline your son and he will give you happiness and peace of mind.” Prov.
29:17.
Make a Commitment
Don't wait too long.
Begin to train and discipline your children when they are young. Don’t wait to correct bad behavior. Move into
action as soon as he starts the
disobedience or the disagreeable attitude.
Author of rebellion. Remember
that the author of rebellion is
Satan. God is the author of discipline and authority. Whom will you serve? Whom
will your child serve?
Breed respect. Discipline
breeds respect for you and for all
authority. Moreover, the lack of proper correction breeds disrespect for you and for all authority.
Confess your sins. Parental
correction is only temporary; you only have a few years! So begin early while
the clay is soft. If you wait until they’re teens, you will need a sledgehammer
to chip away at concrete. If your children are grown and you didn’t discipline
and train them Biblically, then you probably have had much heartache and many
sleepless nights. Your comfort is in prayer! God is a God of miracles. Confess
your lack of obedience to His Words and His ways to your adult child. “Therefore,
confess your sins to one another,
and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a
righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16.
Energy and
commitment. It will take energy and
commitment on your part, but the results are worth it! Pay now or pray
later!
Training
Raising a child to be a Godly adult takes more than
discipline – it takes training. “Train up a child in the way he should go, even
when he is old he will not depart from it”? Prov. 22:6. This verse says to
train him in the way he should go, not “shouldn't” go. Many times we spend all
of our time telling the child “no” or what not
to do, instead of using the time to train. By following God's Word, you
will prevent the need for a lot of discipline. Train your children what to do!
Lack of knowledge. Scripture
tells us, “My people perish for a lack
of knowledge.” Hosea. 4:6. Are your children perishing because they lack
the knowledge of what they should do?
(For more information read and apply Workers@Home. It will help you give your
children CLEAR directions that will result in well-trained children that people
comment on!)
Whatever a man sows. We
send our children to school or to Sunday school for them to get knowledge, but
God gave them to us. Are they learning what
we would teach them, if we took
the time? Let's remember, “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also
reap.” Gal. 6:7.
He should go. If we don't train them
and discipline them, can we honestly claim: “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he
will not depart from it.” Prov. 22:6.
I did away with
childish things. Therefore, if we want to claim the promise of Prov. 22:6,
we must teach and train our children. Help them to do away with childish things
as they grow to adulthood. “When I was a child, I used to speak as a child,
think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” 1Cor. 13:11. Teach and train
them in these character qualities:
Working with Diligence
Teach them to work
with diligence. Diligence is enthusiasm, enjoyment, excitement, delight,
devotion and fervor. Help your child to learn good work ethics. Give them tasks that they must do every day. Women who
only have one or two children many times do not require their children’s help
with the housework or yard work. By not teaching them to do “their” part, you
will greatly compromise your children’s future.
Wanted and needed. When
you require a child’s help it shows the child that he is wanted and needed. There is a chapter in Workers@Home
that will help you to implement a system with your children that has kept
my home in running order for over 20 years!
Responsibility! Work
teaches them to appreciate what they have and in turn teaches them responsibility! If they earn
what they have, they will care for it and appreciate all God gives them in the
future. We require our children to pay for sport uniforms or sign-up fees,
school curriculum, orthodontic retainers, and many of their own clothes. Now that my children are in their teens they
are so grateful for this lesson. They actually brought this point up to me just
last week – amazing!
Gainfully Employed
Jobs. Employ your
children by making jobs available
for them to earn money. These should be above and beyond their normal
duties.
When they are young. Begin
by first looking around the house for things they are able to do. You must not
wait until they are too old; begin when
they are young. We pay our younger children with treats or privileges or a
mere quarter for good labor.
Outside. Next, as
they grow, they can begin to work around the yard, in the garage, or on the
car. Outside is the next step after they have mastered the inside
responsibilities.
The neighborhood. Finally,
after they have graduated from inside to outside and they work well, they are
then ready to work around the
neighborhood. They can wash cars, do yard work, feed animals, bring
trashcans out to the street and help older women with their chores. As their
parent, look around for the needs in your neighborhood.
Note: Make sure that
helping you or a neighbor is not always for money - they are to be helpful to
you, to widows and to the poor.
Money they've earned.
What do they do with the money they've
earned? It is important that you don’t stop the instructional process once
they’ve earned money. You must instruct them on how to spend the money they’ve earned.
Children's wants. The
worst thing you can do is to provide for all of your children's wants. Also, do not replace the things that they have
lost or damaged, or that have been stolen - if it was caused by their irresponsibility.
Carried over to their
adult life. Whatever you teach them to do with the money they've earned now
will be carried over to their adult life.
Do you want them to rely on you once
they're out supposedly on their own?
God supplies all our
needs. First tithe! Teach your children that God supplies all our needs. God only asks us to give Him 10% and
we get to keep 90%! Tithing is done on all that is earned. Tithing is not done when the child gets money as a gift
from someone.
Save 10%. Save!
Teach the child to save the next 10%.
Future needs. Next
pay for needs. Look ahead to their future
needs as stated above (dues, equipment or clothing) or possibly a birthday
gift, Mother's Day gift, etc.
Teach wise buying. Lastly,
the child may spend on his “wants.” The caution here is to teach wise buying. This can only be accomplished if YOU exercise
wise buying. The BEST way to begin to purchase what you really need and will
use, do Chapter 2 “Remove Clutter” in the book Workers@Home. When I got rid of ALL that I had bought, but didn’t
use, it changed my purchasing practices and it has done the same for countless
women who have had the same results.
His own money. Don't allow toys, games
or books that have a bad influence on your child, just because he is using his
“own money.” Also, don’t allow them
to buy rebellious clothing (things you wouldn’t buy for them), just because
it’s their money.
The best buy. Help
your child to purchase things that will last, finding the best buy and not falling for “fad” items.
Organization
Teach them
organization. You must train a child
to be organized, but you can’t
teach what you haven’t learned yourself! My mother, God bless her, was the most
disorganized person I ever knew. When I got married I had no clue how to get my
home organized and running smoothly. If you have trouble in this area, there is
hope. I wrote down most of the ideas for how I keep my house and family (of
nine) running smoothly. Pick up a copy of Workers@Home:
Making the Most of Your Time. A woman who owns all of my books told her
friend, “ Workers@Home is the BEST book I
have ever read bar none! It works!” Boca Rotton, FL.
Any way they like. Be
diligent about them keeping their rooms in good order. Many mothers think that
because this is “their room” they can keep it any way they like, as long as the door is shut.
Their homes. Therefore,
your daughters will someday keep their
homes that way!
Was allowed to keep
his room. Many women allow their sons to be slobs. I don't think you'll be
too popular with your daughter-in-law when your son keeps his home as he was allowed to keep his room!
Caution: Be careful about
breeding “territorial attitudes” about their
room and their things. You need
to teach and exhibit to your children that “we own nothing.” We are stewards
over all that God has entrusted to
us.
How to do it. Teach them how to do all the tasks and chores they
are asked to do.
Done right. Work
together at first; then later, when they've mastered the skill, periodically
check their work to make sure it was done
right.
Everything is
wonderful. Many experts tell us that we will damage our child's self-esteem
if we don't say “everything is
wonderful.” Then after they are safely gone out of the room we can “fix”
what they missed or did wrong. Children want and need the truth from us. Don’t
be afraid to correct them. Just make sure it is motivated by love, not a desire
to prove them a failure.
Build the esteem. You
don't want to build the esteem of
your child. (If you’re not convinced, reread lesson 6 on Humility vs.
Self-Esteem.)
Wanting to improve. It's
important to train them with the desire to “want to improve.” This should be an ongoing process. Doing things
correctly should be sought after, not a matter of defeat.
Ready for inspection,
Ma’am. I have the children say “Ready
for inspection, Ma’am.” Then I point out the things they've missed. I then
come back later to check it again.
Prepare ahead. Teach
them how to prepare ahead by setting
the table the night before for breakfast, laying out clothes for the next day,
packing their sporting bags after the clothes are clean and dried, and placing
things by the door to collect when they’re going out the door. You’ll find some
tips on this in Workers@Home: Making the
Most of Your Time.
Housework
Lower your
expectations. When working with children, patience is needed the most,
along with lower expectations than
we might have for ourselves.
Investment in the future.
It may be easier now to do everything yourself, but, by training your
children, you are making an investment
in the future - yours and theirs.
Don't just pick up
after them. Teach them to keep your home clean and tidy. Call them (into
the room or into the house) when they have left something out of place. Don't just pick up after them!
Difficult to be
patient. Having them assist you in the kitchen can be helpful also.
Caution: don't make this investment when dinner is late or you're expecting
guests – it will be difficult to be
patient!
Train your young men.
Train boys to do the laundry. Housework is not just for the girls since
most men live on their own before they marry. It's terrible when mothers
haven't trained their young men.
Won't your daughter-in-law just love you when she has her first baby and her
husband is able to keep the home clean and all the laundry done? Boys who are
about 9 or 10 can easily learn this. If you wait until they are in their teen
years, you have waited too long. Don't wait until they are teens to teach these
tasks. Rebellion shows its mighty head, especially if you have had little or no
control over them when they were younger.
The easiest way to “tell” your older children (and most
little ones too!) is to implement the 3x5 card method from the Workers@Home.
Young people don’t seem to like to be told to do things. This method is telling
them without telling them.
Suggestion: Drop
the title of “teenager” from your vocabulary. It connotes rebellion. They are
“young men” or “young ladies” and you should expect them to act like it.
Spiritual
Talk about God. Talk
to your children about God, your Lord, and how He plays a part in your everyday
life.
Daily prayers. Pray
with them about their needs and fears. Ask them to pray for your needs,
especially during a family trial. Daily prayers are the best remedy for daily cares.
Share your trials. You're
not “shoving religion down their throats” when you share your trials and how the Lord helped you through them all.
Don't hide all that you go through as an adult so they are unprepared for life.
But, at the same time, don't bring them into your confidence and into details
that they should never have to face as a child.
Caution: Children have
ears and they hear everything! Be careful what you say in their presence and
especially watch your tongue when you are on the phone. Your children are not
your best friends. They need you to be the parent and to protect them while
they are young! Don't impart fear to your children.
See your joy! Live
your faith! Be gentle and quiet. Let them see
your joy in the Lord! Another thing I did with my small children every day
was to have them put on their armor of
God. Have them act it out as if they are putting on each piece of armor. My
little boys used to make their armor with helmets and swords. They would
proclaim in a loud voice, “This is my sword of the spirit - the Word of God!”
“I’m wearing sandals of peace, so I can be a peacemaker when I see trouble!”
“This is my shield of faith, so I can put out all the fiery darts of the devil
when he shoots them at me!”
Lead them to the Lord
at an early age. (Don't leave this blessing to a Sunday school teacher or
someone else.) If they learn from you that God is a LOVING God, by how you
treat them, your children will want the same relationship with the Lord that
you have with Him and with them.
Hiding God's Word in
their hearts. Have them memorize Scripture every day. By hiding God's Word in their hearts they
will have the foundation they need for a truly great and godly character. You
will find some tips on Bible memorization in Workers@Home and Homeschooling
for Him available through our ministry.
Disciplining and
training. By following God's Word by disciplining, training and correcting your
children, you are setting an example for them to do the same with your
grandchildren.
Respect
“Honor your mother
and your father.” Eph. 6:1. This should be the first Scripture every child
should memorize at 2 or 3 years of age.
Follow your example. Be
careful how you speak about your parents in front of your children; your
children will follow your example. Be
sure you treat or speak about your
parents in the way that you want to be treated when you get older.
Glorify disrespectful
children. Don't allow your children to be disrespectful to other adults. If
you allow television in your home, you are training them to be rebellious.
Disrespect for adults is being emphasized on all the sitcoms they watch and the movies they view. It's very
popular these days to glorify these disrespectful
children.
Talking back. Do
you allow your children to talk back to you? If they answer anything but “Yes,
Ma’am” or “No, Sir ” they are talking
back.
Never allow it. Immediately;
switch them. Never allow talking back.
(Read lesson 4, “Kindness Is on Her Tongue.”)
Yes, Ma’am. Train
them to answer you with “Yes, Ma’am?”
or “Yes, Mommy?”
Wait until things are
calm. Don't yell at them if they do talk back since that will probably lead
to them yelling back at you. Calmly switch them, and then explain
that “talking back” will not happen again.
You are a liar. If
they do it again and you don't punish them, you are a liar and you are an abomination to God. Anytime you
merely threaten your children and do not carry out your threat, you are a liar.
Replace threats with warnings and then follow through! (See lesson 4, “Kindness
is on Her Tongue,” for “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because
you have rejected knowledge….” Hosea 4:6.)
How many times do you
call? Never call twice. Children know how many times you are willing to
call for them. Every child waits to come until just before they know that you
will “blow up.”
Here I come! Teach
them to answer your first call with “Here
I come!” This begins by teaching your toddler to say, “Here I come, Mommy,”
and then taking his hand and bringing him back to you, praising him along the
way.
Suddenly unable to
walk. If they get “weak in the knees” and are suddenly unable to walk, they get a little swat.
Come along willingly.
By the time they are able to say the words “Here I come, Mommy,” they think
it is their idea, and they come
running along willingly.
Are you too lazy? Don't call them if you
are too lazy to go get them after your first call. Remember: delayed obedience
is disobedience! Teach respect for others by enforcing what you tell them.
Base every lesson on
a Scriptural foundation. Don't speak badly about others and don't tolerate
it from your children. I always try to base every lesson on a Scripture. There
are many Scriptures on the subject of slander.
Show respect. Show
respect for other people’s belongings and property. Investing in others will
teach this. Help them look for opportunities to help one of your neighbors with
their home. Also, you can have them help their siblings clean their room, fix
their bike, or do their chores.
Manners
Introducing
themselves. Teach your children the polite way of introducing themselves
with “It’s nice to meet you” with a smile (and a handshake for the boys). My daughters saw a Shirley Temple movie where
she curtsied. They did this when being introduced to an acquaintance of their
grandmother. The older gentleman never got over it and has told dozens of
people about the adorable, well-behaved girls who are home-educated.
Proper phone
etiquette. Teach them proper phone
etiquette. Have them identify themselves and ask, “Who's calling, please?”
Then teach them to cover the phone, or go and get you - never yell for you!
Make eye contact. Look
them in the eyes so they will learn to do the same. Not being able to make eye contact can affect how others
perceive their sincerity. People they meet may feel that they are dishonest,
sneaky or ill-at-ease.
Do you allow your
children to interrupt? Are you encouraging interruptions by allowing your
children to get what they want when they interrupt? Never allow them to
interrupt when you or others are speaking. Teach them to:
Stand quietly. Teach
them to stand next to you quietly.
After a short wait, pardon yourself and ask them quietly what they need. My
little ones put their hand on my forearm to get my attention, without saying a
word.
Go away and come
back. If they interrupt, make them go
away and come back and do as you have asked - over and over if necessary!
Don't listen. And
don't listen to what they want or you are just breeding interruptions!
Wait until you are
not busy. As they get older, the time they wait should be stretched. By the
time they are 6 or so, they need to wait
until you are not busy, unless it’s an emergency. Of course they could
always “slip you a note.” When you respond to them, make sure you “excuse
yourself” with the person you are talking to!
A proper attitude
should be life-long. Don't use the phrase “As long as you are in my house
you'll….” Is it your goal to develop a godly man or godly woman? Good behavior
or a proper attitude should be life-long. It is important to develop your
children’s character, not just suppress a fleshly response.
Don't. Don't
speak badly about your children, ever! Don't call them brats or worse. Don't
say that you can't wait until they go back to school or grow up. You will reap
what you have sown. That same attitude will return to you later. Also, you'll
have a brat on your hands now!
Home School
Many people think it’s strange that I educate my children at
home. The Lord knows that it is not merely a commitment but a conviction.
Though we don’t think of ourselves as “homeschoolers” because we don’t fit the
typical mold, we would NEVER turn our children over to others to teach.
Whatever difficulties we have encountered during our 16 years of teaching our
own children, the BLESSINGS we have reaped have FAR outweighed any trials we
have ever experienced.
Below are just a few of my reasons and convictions for
educating my own children. If you are not educating your children at home, I
hope that after reading this you will feel it is something you should pray
about with your husband. Since this chapter was first written and had brought
so many questions from parents about educating their children at home, AND
because both Dan and I have such a heart for parents educating their own
children, we published a workbook, HomeSchooling
for Him! that you can find in our
EncouragingBookstore.com website.
And you shall teach them diligently. God
gave your children to you to train until they are adults. As adults, they need
to know, among other spiritual things, how to read, write and do math. One only
needs to turn on the news, read a newspaper or pick up a magazine to see that
those who are graduating from high school do not have these basic skills. Major
companies now have to spend money to teach remedial skills to our nation's
young adults because they didn't learn the basics in 12 plus years in school. “And
you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when
you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and
when you rise up.” Deut. 6:7.
God gave them knowledge and intelligence. You
spend years knitting into this little child morals and wisdom, and then school
unravels all that they have been taught. To top it off, then they turn your own
children against you and toward their peers. Daniel never could have stood
alone had his parents not trained him as a young boy. We claim the Scripture in
Daniel 1:17 which says: “And as for
these four youths (Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah), God gave them knowledge and intelligence in every branch of
literature and wisdom; Daniel even understood all kinds of visions and dreams.”
Make up your mind. As
with all promises, there are conditions that must be met. God's condition,
which these youths met, was that they remained undefiled. “But Daniel made up his mind that he would not
defile himself….” Dan. 1:8. If we keep our children undefiled as these youths’
parents kept them, then we can trust that God will give our children what they
will need.
Ask yourself these questions: If your children are
surrounded by evil, will they remain undefiled? Is the world's knowledge more
important than the condition of their souls? Do you want your children to learn
a different religion? Secular humanism is taught in all public schools and is
intermingled with every subject they take. “For I will remove the names
of the Baals from her mouth.” Hosea. 2:2.
Our days. Have
you considered the time spent in school versus their time at home with you,
their father, and brothers and sisters? “…our
days on the earth are like a shadow….” 1Chron. 29:15.
A friend of the world
is an enemy of God. Do you want their peers to have first place in their
lives? Do you want their peers to be the persons they most want to please?
Wouldn’t you rather it be you and the
Lord who are first in their lives? Don’t you want them to want to please God most? “Therefore whoever wishes to
be a friend of the world makes
himself an enemy of God.” James 4:3.
Disgraceful even to
speak of the things. We all know the problems in school: peer pressure,
drugs, sex, drinking and violence. Not only are our children exposed to these
evils, but also the schools are now educating our children in evil! They are
teaching your children about AIDS, homosexuality, birth control, turning
parents in for child abuse, and the list goes on. “And do not participate in
the unfruitful deeds of darkness…for it is disgraceful
even to speak of the things
which are done by them in secret.” Eph. 5:11-12.
Turn away. Instead,
teach them to “…turn away from evil and do good.” 1Pet. 3:11. Here’s a funny story: When Cooper, who was then just five years old,
was learning to be a gentleman (when his sisters or I were dressing), he would
turn away and begin singing to the tune of “Dixie,” “Look away, look away, look
away, godly man!”
Leave the presence of
a fool. Let's heed God's Word when He warns, “Leave the presence of a fool or you will not discern words of
knowledge.” Prov. 14:7.
Lest he fall. Would
you like it if your husband worked in a bar or somewhere else where immorality,
drugs, violence and alcohol were rampant? How long could he “stand” before it
started to affect him? “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.” 1Cor. 10:12.
Bad company corrupts
good morals. Your children have less power to resist an evil influence than
a grown man or woman does. “Do not be deceived,
bad company corrupts good morals.”
1Cor. 15:33.
Cause one to stumble.
If you put your children into an environment that is evil and that will corrupt
their good morals, isn't this Scripture directed at you? “It is inevitable that stumbling blocks should come, but woe to
him through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung
around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should cause one of these little ones to stumble.”
Luke 17:1-2.
Here are just a few
more of the benefits of educating your children at home:
Your mother's
teaching. Since you are your child's teacher, you can be sure that your son
or daughter will learn everything he or she needs to know. You are not trying
to teach 30 children, so you can take the time to explain to each child what he
or she may not understand. You will not have to go on to a new lesson until he
has mastered the previous skill. This is one-on-one tutoring, a method in which
all
children excel. “…Do not forsake your
mother's teaching; indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head.” Prov.
1:8.
Wisdom will enter
your heart. You can spend time teaching “academics” instead of wasting time
teaching birth control, child abuse, recycling or worshiping “mother earth.” Their time will be spent
wisely. They also will have the skills to be leaders since God separated those
He chose for leadership, i.e. Abraham, Joseph, Moses, John the Baptist and
Jesus. “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to
your soul.” Prov. 2:10.
Seek ye first the
kingdom of God. You will be able to put Bible reading and memorization
first. If you place the most importance on these subjects, then you can claim
the Scripture: “Seek ye first the
kingdom of God and all these things
shall be added unto you.” Matt. 6:33. Don’t forget that the book Workers@Home has a great method for
memorizing Scripture.
Imperishable quality
of a gentle and quiet spirit. Your goals
for your daughters should be different than your goals for your sons. Each of
your girls should be capable of teaching her own children and helping her own
husband. You should encourage them not to pursue careers, which would
jeopardize their marriage. Teach them to manage a home, care for children, sew,
and do a ministry from their home. Use Proverbs 31 as your guide. “Let her
works praise her in the gates.” Prov. 31:31. But most importantly, you can
guide your daughters to have “…the imperishable
quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of
God.” 1Pet. 3:4. A gentle and quiet spirit will only be learned from your example. Besides, I don’t believe
this type of spirit is one of the goals of our public schools!
Without the spirit. My
goals for my sons are first to be mighty in spirit, along with learning
diligence and a strong work ethic. “For
the body without the spirit is
dead.” James 2:26.
He will exalt you. Both
your daughters and your sons need to learn to live their lives for the Lord.
“Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.” James 4:10.
Destroy the soul. The
way to direct our children’s lives is not toward college or a good job where
they'll make a lot of money. A recent survey reported that, of those who
professed to be Christians (our sons and our daughters) and went to college
(secular as well as Christian colleges), 80% of them turned away from their
faith! What's worse is that only 40% of those ever return to God! Parents, is a
college degree more important than your child’s eternal soul? “And do not fear
those who kill the body, but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him
who is able to destroy both soul and
body in hell.” Matt. 10:28. The pursuit of money should not be the goal. All of
us must seek the Lord to find out what “call” is on our children’s lives.
My God shall supply. Many
times it is the parents’ “pride” that has them sending their children on to
college. Beware of all colleges, especially when they are away from home. You
may be paying for your impressionable son (or daughter) to be carried away into
lust and other sins such as drinking or drugs. Jesus didn't leave His parents’
authority until He was 30! Many perverse teachings have been planted in the minds
of young men and women even in Bible colleges and have given forth “bad fruit”
later in life. Interestingly, Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, had a
degree in theology! “For my God shall
supply all my needs according to His riches in glory.” Phil 4:19. Caution:
I have personally counseled women
whose husbands have learned some unimaginable, actually perverted, theories
from their professors in Bible colleges.
Number our days. The
most important benefit is the “QUANTITY,”
not quality, time that you spend with
your children. Do you remember older people telling you “how fast time flies,”
and “enjoy your children while they are young”? Take that advice, because they
are right. I can't believe how fast the
time has passed since my older ones were little. I can never get those days
back again. I plan to look back on every moment I have with my children without
regretting the time I may have wasted. “Teach us to number our days, that we may present to thee a heart of wisdom.”
Psalms 90:12.
Benefits of Home Schooling
A bounty of joy. If
you spend time teaching, training, disciplining and correcting your children,
you will reap a bounty of joy!
Well-behaved
children. Taking the time to develop well-behaved children will bring
praise from others, instead of shame. Also, your children are your testimony
and witness to others, whether they are with you or out on their own.
I have no greater joy
than this. If you spend more time “disciplining, teaching, and training,”
there will be less need for correcting. Catch bad behavior quickly. Remember,
“A switch in time saves nine!” You will also have helpers, not burdens. But
most importantly they will be strong in faith. “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in
Truth.” 3 John 1:4.
Tough love. If
you love them enough to train them early, you won't have to use “tough love” on
them when they reach their teens. “Tough love” is needed by parents who didn't
discipline and train their children when they were young. They were afraid to
use the rod because they did not fear the Word of God, but instead feared man. And yes, I do recommend “tough love” for
teenagers even though I don’t agree with it for the marital relationship.
Parents are commanded to punish and control their children; however, neither
the husband nor the wife is instructed to respond to their spouse’s actions
with anything but love and respect.
Warning: “Tough love” is never
to be used on your husband. This is unscriptural and the consequences are
disastrous! See How God Can and Will Restore
Your Marriage: By Someone Who’s Been There to learn of the results of
someone who tried it!
Love and respect for
you. When you love, teach, train and discipline your children, they will be
part of your life even after they are married. Because you have instilled in
them love and respect for you, they will choose to be close to you as adults.
Financially
supporting them. Another blessing is that you won't be financially supporting them in their adult lives if you have
trained them diligently in good work ethics.
Show interest in them
now. Don't wait to talk to your children; if you show interest in them now,
they'll show interest in you later.
Personal commitment:
To love, teach, train, discipline and use the rod with my children with all
diligence. “Based on what I have learned from God's Word, I commit to
following God's plan for parents that is outlined in Proverbs. I will remember
always that these children are the Lord's and have been entrusted to me. I am
to train and discipline them in love so they will be ready for God's service
and willing and able to obey Him.”
Date: _________________
Signed:________________________________________________