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|Chapter 9
Helper
Suitable
“Then the Lord God
said,
‘It is not good for
the man to be alone;
I will make him a
helper suitable for him.’ ”
Genesis 2:18.
God has designed a woman to be “…bone of my bones, flesh of
my flesh” for her husband (Gen. 3:12). So why have we as Christian women bought
into the feminist philosophy, allowing our role as the homemaker to be stolen?
Because we are really unsure of what a woman was created and designed to do and
to be. In today’s world men are not men and women are no longer women. This was
the agenda of the feminist movement: to blend
the roles. We now have confusion and unhappiness in both of the sexes. In
addition, homosexuality and lesbianism are rampant in our society!
Without an understanding of our role as a “helper suitable,”
we will tear down with our own hands our homes, our husbands, and our families.
We will believe the lies and begin to play into the world’s idea of the role of
a woman. Until I understood how uniquely created I was, I would try to steal my
husband’s role. I was envious of his role and even despised being created a
woman.
So look with me at how God in His perfect love and
incredible wisdom designed and created us to be women.
Uniquely Created
Created for the man. We must seek knowledge
from God’s Word to define how we
were created and why we were
created. “For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed
man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.” 1Cor. 11:8-9. As we begin to move into
God’s perfect plan for our lives, we then can live the abundant life God
promises in His Word. Our lives will reflect God’s Word, rather than deny it.
Others will be drawn to Christ through the testimony of our lives.
Helper suitable for
him. “And the man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky,
and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.” Gen. 2:20. This statement really gets under the feminist’s skin. Does it get
under yours too? As Christians, we must renew our minds to line up with God’s
Word. God’s Word is Truth! Living the Truth certainly will not be easy and it
will seem almost crazy at first. It
will seem totally bizarre to others who watch and observe the changes in your
life. But through obedience to His Word, we will soon understand and reap the
rewards of our understanding and obedience.
As Christians we obey and believe even when we don’t see.
This is the faith we profess. We have all experienced how the world’s way has
worn us out. We are worn out because we have tried to do what we were not
created to do and to be what we were not designed to be.
We must begin to see that God intended the role of a woman
and of a man to be special and unique. We must ask the Lord for guidance and
discernment with each task we are presently undertaking. Now let’s look first
at how and why we were created in the beginning.
Male and Female
Created MALE AND
FEMALE. “And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He
created him; male and female He
created them.” Gen. 1:27. “He created them male
and female, and He blessed them and named them Man in the day when they
were created.” Gen. 5:2. “But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE.” Mark 10:6. “And He
answered and said, ‘Have you not read, that He who created them from the
beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE…’”
Matt. 19:4. When women wear men’s
clothing, or have hairstyles or jobs that are unfeminine or downright
masculine, they are denying the fact that God created women special and unique.
We should not be ashamed of how we were created, but find the joy in being
God’s perfect creation as women.
Masculine. Men
were created to be men. We, as wives, need to encourage and show approval to
our husbands for their manliness. He must know that you are happy that he is a
man. In our society, the masculinity of our husbands is under attack. Because
of this trend in society, we have tried to change our husbands to be more
feminine. However, there is a difference between a feminine man and a
gentleman. The term gentleman has been ripped out of our vocabulary to
accomplish the goals of the feminist agenda. A true gentleman is now called a
male chauvinist. Instead of gentlemen, our society is rampant with effeminate men! “Or do you not know
that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived;
neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate…shall inherit the kingdom of God.” 1Cor. 6:9. If you try
to change your husband to act like you, what example will your sons have?
Strength is a good quality for a man.
Example: Julie definitely wore the pants in her family, yet she
continually was disgusted by the weak man her husband was. God had blessed her
with a son, but, as her husband tried to help him to become masculine, she put
a stop to the type of sports or other boy toys that she thought might hurt him.
There was little difference between her son and her daughters. If anything, the
girls were more aggressive and would also be the heads of their households
someday.
Feminine. Some
denominations teach that women must have their heads covered, keep their hair
long, and/or wear only dresses. Restore Ministries does not want to cause
division over such issues. “If anyone advocates a different doctrine, and does
not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the
doctrine conforming to godliness, he is conceited and understands nothing; but
he has a morbid interest in controversial
questions and disputes about words,
out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions….” 1Tim.
6:3-4. Our ministry exists to bring families together and to strengthen
marriages. We women know that as we pray for the Lord to lead us through our
husbands, and to mold us and direct our hearts, He is faithful. Pray for the
Lord’s direction. Be willing to follow the Lord as He directs you through your
husband. Some women tend to go from one extreme to the other. Move slowly and
be careful of being too legalistic. Clothing and hair can be changed; yet, if
there is no change on the inside, who are we fooling? As we begin to move into
our God-designed roles with obedience and conviction, our outward appearance
will follow if necessary.
Example: Leah* was the type of woman other women seemed to
envy. After each baby, she was able to leave the hospital in the same pair of
jeans she wore before she became pregnant. Her hair was short and always in the
latest style. She would never allow her children to get in the way of her
outside hobbies and goals. Even though her husband asked her to, she wouldn’t home
school their children because she wanted her freedom. However, her relationship
with her husband seemed odd. It was more of a friendship than a marriage (not
that we shouldn’t be friends with our husbands). You would see her playfully
punch her husband in the arm or slap him on the back. With her hair cut short,
along with her style of clothing, many times she’d be mistaken for her
husband’s son.
Her hair cut off.
Has your husband asked you to let your hair grow long or longer? Or has he told
you that you would look cute in one of the latest cuts? If he has told you
something about your hair, submit. You must put your husband in the seat of
authority over you.
We are constantly bombarded with friends who tell us the
opposite of what our husbands say. When some of us do try to submit, maybe to
grow our hair longer, we go through the awkward stage of growing it out. Then
we whine, our husband gives in, and we cut it again. If our husbands have
requested longer hair, here are the Scriptural references: “For if a woman does
not cover her head, let her also have her hair cut off; but if it is
disgraceful for a woman to have her hair
cut off or her head shaved, let
her cover her head.” 1Cor. 11:6. Also, 1Cor. 11:15: “…but if a woman has long
hair, it is a glory to her. For her hair is given to her for a covering.”
Women, the issue is not the length of our hair, but subjection to our husbands’
authority and protection for us. Our husbands can never be leaders if no one
follows! And if you’re not following him, don’t expect your children to follow
you!!
Example: I have a friend who loves this workbook; however, she
has an area of rebellion that continues on until this day. This is why
Scripture talks in James 1:25 about not being “… a forgetful hearer but an
effectual doer.” Her husband is the type of man who likes long hair hanging
down, no make-up, and casual clothing. When her husband is around this is
exactly how she looks; however, I always know when her husband is out of town.
Her hair is up, she wears make-up and her clothing changes. When others tell
her she looks good, they are probably not aware of her husband’s preferences.
She has been blessed with a large family but rebellion runs rampant. I hope I
don’t have to explain why.
My husband, Dan, on the other hand, likes a lot of make up,
my nails done and my hair short and stylish. Before I met my husband, I was
kind of a plain Jane. For years I had very long hair until my brother became
ill with leukemia. I had just had my third son and my brother needed me to give
quite a bit of blood for some tissue-typing for his bone marrow transplant.
Within a few days, my hair began to fall out by the handful! My doctors
surmised that giving blood had been too much for my body, and they recommended
that I cut it. They told me that the weight of my hair would eventually cause
all of it to fall out. When I cut it shoulder length, my husband loved it!
I had it this way for many years but, after I saw the
Scriptures about the woman’s hair being her crown, I grew it out again. It
wasn’t until I was told of my “long-hair righteousness” (To understand the term
long-hair righteousness see the
paragraph “First clean the inside”
below) that I cut it again. Before I did, however, I asked my husband. He told
me he loved me with short hair but he had never come out and told me. Looking
back I think he may have hinted, but I never seemed to get the message. It
seems to take me a little longer than others to wake up!
Now I am careful to dress and wear my hair for him. Since I
am in my forties, I am now getting a bit gray and I like coloring my hair.
However, he says he likes it the way it is. Well, goodbye, Miss Clairol! Update: Since writing this portion of
the workbook Dan wants a red-head. Ladies, never get too settled or fixed when
it’s our job to move and follow our husbands!
Note: Ladies, not only did I have “long-hair righteousness” but
I also had “home-school righteousness,” “home-birth righteousness,”
“wearing-only-skirts righteousness.” But, praise the Lord, He dealt with me on
each of these areas of “self-righteousness.” Ladies, search your heart and
confess to the Lord if there is any trace of self-righteousness in your life.
Whenever we think that we are somehow better than someone else, then we are
self-righteous. Self-righteousness is a serious form of pride that the
Pharisees exhibited. As I look back, I wonder how I could ever have felt proud.
It was my Lord who showed me the Truth, and He gave me the grace to be able to
live that Truth in my life. It just shows me again that when I exhibited a
“self-righteous” spirit and attitude, I was nothing but a fool!
The hidden heart.
One more note on the hair. Many times I have been aware of a spirit of
rebellion that seems to rise up in women in anger or frustration as they state,
“I just want to cut it (their hair) off!” What matters to God is not what we
say or do, for that is our outward appearance. God is interested in our hearts.
How is your heart? Is your heart hard toward your husband or hardened against
your being a woman? Each of us needs to do a heart check. “…but let it be the
hidden person of the heart….” 1Pet. 3:4.
First clean the
inside. The heart of a Pharisee is pride. The Pharisees hid evil thoughts
and evil hearts behind their clothing. I have met women who wear very spiritual
clothing, sometimes covering their heads. However, not all are as they appear.
“You blind Pharisee, first clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that
the outside of it may become clean also.” Matt. 23:26. I was surprised by the
spiritual arrogance that the women exhibited toward one who wore other than
their accepted clothing, didn’t cover her head, or wore pants. If you look down
at those who do not dress as spiritually as you do, then you are a Pharisee
like I was.
The Lord convicted me of my “long-hair righteousness.”
Somehow I became arrogant. I looked at women who had long hair as being more
spiritual. With prejudice in my heart, I would look at those who had short hair
as spiritually deficient or downright evil. Yet in my dealings and counseling
experiences, I found that some with long hair, long dresses, and the like were
quite evil underneath.
Anytime we judge another on the basis of their outward
experience we are in deception. The saying that goes “you can’t judge a book by
its cover” is true. “…Do not look at his appearance…because I have rejected
him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but
the LORD looks at the heart.” 1Sam. 16:7. Some of the most loving hearts that I
have met have been the newly born-again Christians who may sometimes wear
clothes that are immodest; yet, their hearts overflow with the love of the
Lord. These were the friends of Jesus, lest we forget Mary Magdalene.
Branding instead of
beauty. “In that day the Lord will take away the beauty…Now it will come
about that instead of sweet perfume there will be putrefaction; Instead of a
belt, a rope; Instead of well-set hair, a plucked-out scalp; Instead of fine
clothes, a donning of sackcloth; And branding
instead of beauty.” Isa. 3:18, 24. What comes to mind when I hear the word branding is tattooing. It still amazes
me how popular this is with teens and young adults. We also see today’s youth
piercing “everything.” Are you as a mother giving your permission to your son
or daughter to tattoo or body pierce?
If you say that they wouldn't listen to you if you did try
and stop them, then you had better fall on your face before the Lord and ask
Him to help you get back the respect and authority that you've thrown away.
Your children are obviously surrounded by fools or they wouldn't want to do
something so barbaric and permanent. Are they in public schools? Is there
television in your home (or should I ask, MTV, Heaven forbid!) Do your children
spend their time at their friends’ house – need we go on? Please read lesson
14, “Your Mother’s Teachings” to gain the knowledge you need to save your
family from this immoral society.
If it is your husband’s liberal thinking that is polluting
your home, then you need to stop nagging him about it and begin to allow God to
change your husband. Read lesson 5, “Won Without a Word.” If you continue to
press him, you are not winning him without a word and your attitude is not
respectful.
Man’s clothing or
woman’s clothing. “A woman shall not wear man’s clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman’s clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination
to the LORD your God.” Deut. 22:5. We all know that the way we dress makes us
act differently. Ladies, what do you wear when you do housework, a pair of
jeans and a T-shirt or a dress with an apron?
Yet, which of us has never begged our husband to go to some
sort of formal event just so we could get all dressed up? When a little girl
wears a dress, all her femininity shows as she twirls around in it. When we
wear an apron, we may feel more like sticking around the kitchen to make
cookies. Clothes really do “make a person.”
Ladies, have you noticed the many older women who are
obviously dressing for comfort? Many, with their short hair, jeans and athletic
tennis shoes, look exactly like their husbands. You’ll see this even in nice
restaurants. Our mannerisms will usually reflect what we are wearing.
There are those women whose uniform at work is really men’s
clothing, complete with necktie. Isn’t it interesting that the women are made
to wear the men's clothing, not the other way around? Why? Because men wouldn't
do it!
Has your husband tried to protect you from looking like a
fool but you thwarted his protection? Did another woman tell you that your
husband is a chauvinist pig for butting into your business, when it was really
God trying to protect you? Ladies, it is about time that we as Christian women
get a hold of the concept of being subject for our protection; these are God’s
principles! We must follow His principles and then teach them to our children
and not be ashamed to speak the Truth to our friends and family. If these
principles from God’s Word have not been followed because of ignorance or
rebellion, now is the time to show ourselves approved. “Be diligent to present
yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling
accurately the Word of Truth.” 2Tim. 2:15. Are we going to build up those who
are perishing for a lack of knowledge? “My people are destroyed for lack of
knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge….” Hosea 4:6. If your husband is
the one asking you to wear clothing that is inappropriate then please reread
lesson 7, “Your Chaste and Respectful Behavior.”
Fine clothes or a
sackcloth. “In that day the Lord will take away the beauty…Now it will come
about that instead of sweet perfume there will be putrefaction; Instead of a belt, a rope; Instead of well-set hair,
a plucked-out scalp; Instead of fine
clothes, a donning of sackcloth; and branding instead of beauty.” Isa. 3:18,
24. This verse from Isaiah certainly sounds like what comes out of the garment
district that we are expected to wear. Have you ever wondered why the men's
styles never change very much? Because they would never buy it! They allow
designers to play around with the width of ties and suit lapels, sometimes
changing the fabrics, but, if they try to make men look too foolish, they
simply won't wear it. Yes, “wear it” versus buy it; the foolish styles that
come out for men, which are never worn, are bought by wives for their husbands.
Sometimes they “give in” and wear it, and then it sits there taking up space
for years!
Turn his heart.
What if your husband desires you to have very short hair or wear inappropriate
clothing? You must pray for the Lord to turn his heart. “The king’s heart is
like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He
wishes.” Prov. 21:1. Stay under his authority and watch the Lord move on your
behalf.
To sum up:
Let a man be a man.
You are not his mother, you are not his conscience, you are not his teacher,
and you are not his holy spirit! It’s important that you understand:
- A man
acts and reacts differently.
- A man
is more physical than a woman.
- A man
is generally more aggressive.
Let us strive to be
more feminine. Begin to “put away” the way you used to be and “put on” the
new ways that God will lead you in these areas:
- Your
spirit - gentle and quiet.
- Your
attitude - respectful, humble.
- Your
speech - wise & kind.
- Your
clothing - feminine.
- Your
hair - feminine, possibly longer
(elegant is always in style!).
- Your
activities inside and outside the home. See the list of activities as
found in Titus 2 and in Proverbs 31.
We Are One Flesh
Leave his father and
mother. “ ‘FOR THIS CAUSE A MAN SHALL LEAVE
HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE; AND THE TWO SHALL
BECOME ONE FLESH’” Matt. 19:5. “Consequently they are no longer two, but one
flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matt. 19:6. Leaving physically is not exactly what these
verses were talking about, since we know that in the Old Testament families all
lived together. The Scriptures are talking about leaving emotionally and
mentally. It is a transfer of loyalty from a man’s parents to his wife. Have
you felt that you may have been missing the closeness God desires for your
marriage? Does it seem that your husband makes his decisions based on the likes
and dislikes of his parents, not you? It may be because your husband has not
been released from his parents. A man must leave his parents before he can
cleave to his wife.
Cleave to his wife. “For
this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall
become one flesh.” Gen. 2:24. “For this cause a man shall leave his father and
mother, and shall cleave to his
wife; and the two shall become one flesh.” Matt. 19:5. Cleaving is defined as
“a desperate holding onto.” This is quite clearly not happening today, since so
many men leave their wives. What do you do if your husband is still trying to
please or find approval with the family that he should have left? First, make
sure the log is out of your eye. Are you still trying to find approval with the
family you left? But what about honoring your father and mother? We are to
honor our parents, even when we are adults and our parents are older. But
clearly, Scripture says that we are to be subject to our husbands and that our
husbands are to honor us as their
wives.
Grant her honor. “You
husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a
weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant
her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may
not be hindered.” 1Pet. 3:7. When a husband is divided between what his wife
thinks or feels and what his parents think or feel, what is a man to do? Who
should he honor? Jesus told us by quoting the book of Genesis, “For this cause
a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the
two shall become one flesh.” Matt. 19:5. He also said, “Consequently they are
no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no
man separate.” Matt. 19:6. Therefore it is not wrong for you to desire your
husband to honor or cleave to you.
The reason many men have not properly cleaved to their wives
is that they have not been allowed to “leave” their fathers and mothers. They
have left physically, but they are still tied because the parents haven't
released them. Were both sets of parents in agreement when you and your husband
married? If not, then there could be an attachment still in place.
When Dan was gone (right before he divorced me), I felt
impressed to contact both of my in-laws (they are divorced). I repented of not
asking them for their blessing back before we married. I asked them to forgive
me for not being a good wife to Dan and for being a poor daughter-in-law to
them. Then I asked if I was ever in the position of marrying Dan again that I
wanted to know if they would give us their blessing. They both said yes and
even said they loved me (this was a first). [However, both did tell me that
they doubted if we would ever get back together again! Oh, never underestimate
the power of God!]
If you are separated or divorced then feel free to follow my
example. However, if you are blessed to have a husband living with you, then
allow him to make the move toward his parents or ask his permission for you to
do it. If he won’t or doesn’t do it, just pray for the Lord to work.
If any of the parents are deceased, pray that God would
break that tie and then ask our Heavenly Father for His blessing on your
marriage.
If your parents, and especially your husband’s parents,
remain in disagreement after you have repented of your lack of honor by
marrying against or ahead of their will, it might be necessary for your husband
to take a more drastic step.
Testimony:
Monica’s* husband left her for another woman, but after about two years, praise
the Lord, he returned home. However, there were still major troubles, all of
which seemed to stem from his family. His parents refused to accept the way
they, as a couple, raised their children. His mother would send Halloween
candy, Easter bunnies, Christmas gifts glorifying Santa and other gifts that
ignored their family’s values. Monica’s husband had tried for years to explain
his strong Christian beliefs to his unsaved father and Christian mother, yet he
found it impossible to reason with his parents. In addition, even though they
lived states apart, there was a weekly call to her husband from each parent,
which would leave Monica’s husband depressed. His parents, and even his older
brother, continued to control, manipulate and intimidate him even though he had
been married for many years.
Monica was surprised and concerned when her husband told her
that he was going to cut off all communication with his parents. She felt
responsible, but her husband assured her that it was his decision and that he would rather do it this way so that he
could concentrate on his relationship with her.
After about seven months, Monica reported that she and her
husband had come closer to a one-flesh union than they ever had before. She has
not questioned or pressured her husband to contact his parents, nor has she
allowed false guilt to rob her of the blessing of her husband cleaving to and
honoring her as his wife.
One flesh. “So
the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He
took one of his ribs, and closed up
the flesh at that place. And the LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which
He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. And the man said, ‘This
is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my
flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ ” Gen. 2:21. “AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; consequently they are no
longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8. “Consequently they are no longer two,
but one flesh. What therefore God
has joined together, let no man separate.” Matt. 19:6. One flesh is certainly
an example of when we are together with our husband during our times of
intimacy. But in addition to physical oneness, we need to be one with our
husband emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
Do you and your husband have the same goals and directions?
Many women have come in for marriage restoration because their husband, as he
was leaving for another woman, said his wife’s goals were different than his.
Are you allowing or encouraging division in your home? Have you gone against,
pushed, or manipulated your husband to allow you to pursue a career or degree
that will eventually cause division in your marriage? Or was it merely your
discontentment with his salary? God created the woman to help and complete the
man. Once a marriage takes place, they are “no longer two, but one flesh.” This means that they live
their lives together, not as “roommates” where each has a life apart from the
other. If your husband is the one pushing for division, pray. Satan is roaming
around looking for marriages to devour. Once it is divided, it will no longer
stand. (Matt. 12:25, Mark 3:25, Luke 11:17)
It is an abomination.
A physical “one flesh” can only be accomplished with a man and a woman.
There is a void in a wife designed to be filled by the husband. God created us
male and female to produce fruits from our union, which we know are our
children. Homosexuality is sin. It is an abomination to the Lord. We need to
renew our minds to line up with what is written in the Scripture. “You shall
not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.” Lev. 18:22. We as Christians need to line up
with this issue to stand firm in the Truth. We need to live our lives in an
uncompromising way, so that we are not double-minded. “I hate those who are double-minded, But I love Thy law.” Ps.
119:113. “…being a double-minded
man, unstable in all his ways.” James 1:8. “Draw near to God and He will draw
near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:8. We cannot be
lukewarm about something that is an abomination to God. (See lesson 12, “Fruit
of the Womb,” for “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you
have rejected knowledge….” Hosea 4:6.)
Man independent of
woman. The one flesh union brings about children as fruits. We are also to
have the fruits of our emotional and mental union, the one flesh of our heart
and our desires. God created women with certain needs and men with certain
needs. The voids in our life and our husband's life create a type of working
gear as we move through everyday life. If we fill our voids apart from our
spouse, the gear slips. The more we fill our voids apart from the other, the
more our relationship slips. Soon we find there is nothing left to hang onto.
Feminists have pushed us as wives to fulfill our own needs and let our husbands
fend for themselves. We have believed the lie that it is not good to be
dependent on each other. Being dependent is taunted as the disease of
co-dependency from which we must be cured. “However, in the Lord, neither is woman
independent of man, nor is man
independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man...” 1Cor.
11:11-12. God created a void in each of us that only the spouse can (or should)
fill. When we violate God’s ways, we reap the consequences. Men are to be our
providers and our protectors. They are our spiritual leaders and the fathers of
our children. Our role as a wife, designed by our Creator, is to be our
husband’s helpmate by bearing, nurturing and teaching our children. We are to
provide comfort for our husband and children. We are to provide the meals for
the family and keep a clean, well-kept home for the family.
In toil. “Then to
Adam He said, ‘Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have
eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat
from it’; Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life.” Gen. 3:17.
After the fall of man, the man and the woman were each given a punishment; the
woman was given pain in childbirth and the man was made to toil the ground or
work. So why is the man's punishment
now shared by both the man and the woman? It is because most of us live above
our means. When the wife has a different career than that of her home and her
children, it divides the couple’s interests and makes them independent from
each other. “Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or
house divided against itself shall not stand.” Matt. 12:25. (See lesson 13,
“The Ways of Her Household,” for “My people are destroyed for lack of
knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge….” Hosea 4:6.)
Protector. When
we women protect ourselves because we feel we can “fight our own battles,” why
would we need a husband? Is it you
who tells that salesperson off or gets rid of that guy at the door - probably
with more gusto than your husband would? Has your husband forgotten how to be a
man since your marriage? Who really wears the pants in the family? Who really
is stronger? If your husband tells you to take it easy or to slow down, do you
tell your husband to mind his own business, or worse? But it is his business.
The husband is the head of his wife, to protect her and their children. So what
do our husbands do when we continue to take charge or take over? They back
down, because they don’t want another fight! They live with the reality of the
contentious woman. “A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a
contentious woman are alike; He who would restrain her restrains the wind, and
grasps oil with his right hand.” Prov. 27:15-16. (Reread lesson 6, “A
Contentious Woman” if you struggle in this area.)
Populate the earth
abundantly. Who is in control of when and how many children your family is
going to have? Is it you, your parents, or your in-laws? How many men have told
you that their wives said that they wouldn’t have any more children? That used
to be a reason for a man to divorce his wife, as recently as the time of the
Civil War. But again, the feminist movement changed all that. We can now kill our
“mistake” if our birth control fails. Adam could do just about everything
alone, but to fulfill the commandment given him to be fruitful and multiply, he
needed a wife. “And as for you, be fruitful and multiply; Populate the earth abundantly and multiply in it.” Gen. 9:7. (See
lesson 12, “Fruit of the Womb,” for “My people are destroyed for lack of
knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge….” Hosea 4:6.)
Ask their own
husbands at home. Ladies, are you the leader in spiritual matters? Do you
run to ask your husband what he thinks as the spiritual leader, or do you say,
“Why would I go to him? What does he know, anyway? Don’t I go to all the Bible studies and seminars? And I’m the one sitting
on all the church committees.” “Her husband
is known in the gates, when he sits
among the elders of the land.” Prov. 31:23. Now we women sit with the elders of
the land. Many of us sit on the committees to choose a new pastor who is
sympathetic to the feminist philosophies.
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound
doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in
accordance to their own desires; and will turn away their ears from the
Truth, and will turn aside to myths.” 2Tim. 4:3-4. We women are out of our
homes conversing with the elders and leaders while our husbands are at home
fixing dinner for themselves and the children. Or, maybe he’s out of town away
from the contentious wife and falling into an adulterous relationship. As we
take over everything of any importance, we have given our husbands’ time to do
the more important things like playing some sport or meeting the “guys.” The
children and we have our spiritual questions answered by a professional, like
the pastor or the Sunday school teacher. However, “if they desire to learn
anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it
is improper for a woman to speak in church.” 1Cor. 14:35. Have we encouraged
our husbands to do other things rather than to lead our families spiritually?
Father. As a
father, our husbands have been pushed out of their roles or made to conform to
the feminine manner of parenting. We criticize the way they handle or treat the
children so often, they eventually just stop “interfering.” We are trying to
mold our husbands into effeminate fathers. This has been the goal of the
feminists. Their goal was to have no difference between mothering and
fathering; thus it becomes “parenting.” Then there would be no reason that a
lesbian or homosexual couple couldn’t become parents. You just need two
“parents” to adopt a child, right?
God gave children both a mother and a father with distinct
characteristics. Our children need both parents for them to grow up without a
bunch of hang-ups or emotional troubles. If the roles are blended and blurred,
who needs a father? “Honor your
father and mother….” Matt. 19:19. Ladies, please look at how you
interfere with your husband’s leadership and manliness. If your husband is
strict or strong with the children, don’t try to block his relationship with
the children or overcompensate. God in His wisdom knew perfectly well what He
was doing when He created both a mother and a father. Seek His wisdom in this
area. Stop following the propaganda that we are fed through the media and other
deceived women. (See lesson 12, “Fruit of the Womb.”)
Testimony
Let me share with you some wisdom that the Lord opened my
eyes to. When my son was in his early teens, I noticed that he seemed very
immature for his age. He was an exceptionally good boy, kind and extremely
intelligent. However, he was immature. I shared this with a friend who has
eight children and she said she had two children who were also immature. In
addition, we both came from large families in which one or two siblings were
still immature as adults. That day in the park we prayed for wisdom.
Ladies, the Lord is so faithful. Only about a week or two
later the Lord opened my eyes to the problem. In all cases, we noticed that the
child who was immature had been protected and/or sheltered from their father. I
had thwarted my husband from his position as the father, which caused his
relationship with our son to be hindered. Then I began to overcompensate for my
husband’s lack of attention and involvement with our son. Usually, I felt that he
was being too firm or unfair. But ladies, do you know that God never makes a
mistake? My son needed that firmness to grow properly.
Once I became aware of my failings, I found myself prostrate
before the Lord humbly repenting and asking for His guidance. The Lord prompted
me to begin to get out of the way of my husband’s wrath, which I constantly had
prevented. On the first occasion, when I stepped aside, my husband didn’t know
what to do. I feared he would be overly stern, but he remained calm. Many times,
after the children went to bed, he would turn his anger at me since I had
prevented him from reprimanding his son. When he began one evening (after the
Lord had opened my eyes to my mistake), I excused myself, went in and got my
son out of bed. When I submitted to my husband’s authority and God’s wisdom, it
lifted a great weight off of our marital relationship.
In addition, instead of being easier on my son, as I had
done in the past, I became just as firm as his father was. I was finally
following my husband’s lead. And when the Lord prompted me to, I was happy to
confess all of my mistakes to my husband and to my son.
Within a year or two a miracle happened. My son had not only
matured, but he was being praised for his maturity! He was chosen by our former
mayor to do a television special on home schooling. Then he was asked to hold a
position on the home school board, which was the first time a student held a
board position in the state of Florida. At the end of the year banquet for his
swim team, his coach had him stand up before the entire group to praise him for
his “maturity”! I only share this to show you the awesomeness of God and His
perfect ways. He is faithful when we seek the Truth and then obey His prompting
in all areas of our lives. Ladies, we serve a mighty God! Amen?
An excellent wife,
who can find? Are you a follower of Christ? As a Christian, do you obey
God's Word? “An excellent wife, who can
find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in
her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the
days of her life. She looks for wool and flax, and works with her hands in
delight. She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. She rises
also while it is still night, and gives food to her household…She is not afraid
of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet.”
Prov. 31:10. Many women laugh and say, “Yeah, good luck finding a wife like
that!”
Ladies, have we really taken a hard look at our lives and our
children’s lives and then asked ourselves what has happened? Have we allowed
our friends to encourage us to choose a career or go back to school in place of
being a “keeper of the home”? Husbands need a listening ear and a wife to take
care of their physical needs, like cooking and taking care of their clothes.
They need us to take care of the home and to bear, nurture, teach and train
their children. It’s in the Word of God. It’s not my opinion! If we do what we
have just read from the Word in Proverbs 31, how could we possibly work outside
the home, serve on as many committees, or go back to college?
Stop depriving one
another. If you have gone along with the feminist way of thinking and have
become liberated from your duties as a wife and a mother, more than likely you
have also become separated from your physical oneness from your husband. “But
because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman
have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and
likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over
her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have
authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you
may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you
because of your lack of self-control.” 1Cor. 7:2-5.
When there is trouble in this area, we must get at the root
cause. Our homes and our roles are out of God's order. When we resist our
husband’s intimate advances, when we nag, and when we allow troubles at home
that wear our husband down, why are we shocked when he eventually gives in to
weaknesses and temptations? “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and
smoother than oil is her speech….” Prov. 5:3. “With her many persuasions she
entices him; with her flattering lips she seduces him. Suddenly he follows her,
As an ox goes to the slaughter…So he does not know that it will cost him his
life.” Prov. 7:21-23.
He who would restrain
her. Men as a rule do not confront their wives; most men don't want any confrontation. They know that if they try
to take control they will have an argument. Remember the contentious woman. “A
constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; He who would restrain her restrains the
wind, and grasps oil with his right hand.” Prov. 27:15-16.
Some of us have stopped controlling and manipulating only to
find ourselves on the other end of the spectrum. Many of us have wanted to be
such a good helper that we do everything for our husband. We do, do, do. This
will actually rob him of blessings, and at the same time, rip the manliness out
of him. We make the decisions, do everything around the house and in the yard,
and help provide part of the income. We then are surprised that with all this
free time, he finds himself a nice helpless woman to care for.
If we have taken on something our husband should be doing,
we must pray that the Lord will change the situation. When we pray, many times
we will see a mini-catastrophe occur and our husband will need to rescue us.
However, this is actually a good thing if
we don’t rob him of being the savior. Don’t try to fix it or tell him how to fix it – leave it alone! We
must realize that this catastrophe has occurred because we have been operating
in the wrong role, a role we were not designed for. However, you should never cause a crisis;
wait for the Lord to move – stop manipulating!
Who Should Be the Spiritual Leader?
One question many women ask is “Who should be the spiritual
leader since my husband won't or doesn't do it?” Or, many women will state “I have to be the spiritual leader of our
home because my husband is not even a Christian!” Why are so many men
neglecting or forfeiting their position as the head of their family?
Her husband is known.
Christian women desire their husband to be the spiritual leader. “Her
husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.”
Prov. 31: 23. Some Christian women, however, have decided that they want to be the leader; the feminist
philosophy that has destroyed the nation is now destroying the church. When women
entered the church, fulfilling their own spiritual needs, men left to pursue
other interests. When the men left, we wives fell into the hands of liberated
pastors. Now we have been taken captive. “For among them are those who enter
into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by
various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of
the Truth.” 2Tim. 3:6-7. The church is now overrun for the most part with weak
men and strong-willed women. This is hindering our effectiveness as a church
because the real men, Christian men, are MIA!
“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become
tasteless, how will it be made salty again? It is good for nothing anymore,
except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.” Matt. 5:13. Move your
Bible studies back to the home. And also, we must change our Bible studies to
focus on what a wife, mother and homemaker should know. Remember ladies; over
half of the homes in America are crumbling. Are we going to continue to bury
our heads in the sand? Will you wait until yours falls? Ladies, leave the Bible
head-knowledge and philosophies to your husband. Our extreme Bible knowledge is
destroying our families because it intimidates our husbands. Women, from the day
Eve ate of the fruit to “make one wise,” we have been hungry for “knowledge.”
But this hunger can be just as destructive as it was for Eve and the
generations that followed her. Ladies, it is time to make a mass exodus out of
the church; then, wait for our husbands to lead us. If you are always running
to church while your husband stays home, what reason does he have to go to
church? How could he ever hope to get ahead of you, Mrs. Spiritual?
I know that this is the way many men think. My husband had
this same concern when he came back home. It took six years of trusting the
Lord before He allowed me to be in the best church in the world!
First, my husband church-hopped all over the city and
throughout every denomination. Finally, disheartened, he settled on home
church. I lost a lot of friends during this period who accused me of
backsliding since I wasn’t going to church. Even though it was hard to home
church for so many years, it was what God used to get my husband in the Word
again. I then became so content that I didn’t want to go back to church. (Why
is it so hard for us to follow the cloud when it moves?) Then, four years
later, there was a great outpouring in a church only two miles from our home.
However, my husband told me that he would never go. Many women thought it was
ridiculous that I wouldn’t just go alone like they were. They mocked me because
I submitted to this extreme, not even pressing my husband or bringing it up
constantly to wear him down. It took praying
for two years for God to move on my behalf. But glory! God is awesome and when
He moves it is so powerful!
The first night we went, he ran to the altar before the altar call was given. We not
only attended that first night, but my husband wanted to join the church! We
are now members and in church three times a week – our family takes up an
entire pew! Not only that, but we attend a workshop one night a week and he
meets with men in an accountability group. Ladies, this may not seem like much
to you if you have a godly husband. But my husband was in adultery! This is a
real live miracle because I trusted God enough to wait for Him to move my
husband. What would be the point if I was in church and my husband was still at
home watching sports or at a movie? Most of the women (actually all but one)
are still attending the services alone without their husbands. Dear sister, God
will honor your faithfulness to His Word when you obey from your heart.
Christ is the head of
every man. Christ is the head of every man, not just a Christian man. If this has been your excuse for
taking the spiritual leadership seat then read 1Cor. 11:3, “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head
of every man, and the man is the
head of woman, and God is the head of Christ.”
Teach or exercise
authority over a man. We women are so stupid, we show off or tell our
husbands how we make time to read our Bibles. We gloat over the
worthwhile books and magazines we read! This is self-righteousness! “But I do
not allow a woman to teach or exercise
authority over a man, but to remain quiet.” 1Tim 2:12. “O My people! Their
oppressors are children, and women rule
over them. O My people! Those who guide you lead you astray, and confuse the direction of your paths.” Isa. 3:9.
Who is the head of your household? When women are the ones
who rule the home, you can expect nothing but trouble. If your mother was in
charge in your home growing up, chances are that your home is following in this
same pattern. As a Christian woman, you can’t in all good conscience allow that
to continue. Now don't go home and throw it onto your husband, demanding that
he take over. Just begin by concentrating all your thoughts and all your
efforts on what a wife, mother and homemaker should do.
Pray continuously for the Holy Spirit to guide you. Ask as
you proceed from one task to the next, “What would you have me do next, Lord?”
Get your house in order, get your children in order, get your priorities in
order and leave your husband to the Lord. What he does or does not do is not
your concern and not your responsibility! God gives us so many things to do
with our children, our home and our ministry (teaching younger women “what is
good”). Ladies, this is our fruit in the garden. But all we can think about is
that forbidden fruit, teaching or
exercising authority over our husbands!
Be subject to your
own husbands in everything. We as women cannot pick and choose when we want
to be subject to our husbands. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to
the Lord…to their husbands in everything.” Eph. 5:22-24. It is
clear from the above Scripture that God has put all husbands in the leadership role of the home.
No one can serve two masters. When things get out of
order and when we take control in our relationships with our husbands, then our
husbands eventually despise and even hate us. “No one can serve two
masters; for either he will hate the one
and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other.” Matt. 6:24. You see
this principle in action when a child, who used to listen to his parents, is
sent off to school. All of a sudden, this sweet child tells you what their
teacher said, and now you are wrong.
We send our sons and daughters off to college, along with our money (as the
bumper sticker says, and they come home during break and treat us like the town
idiot. (See lesson 14, “Your Mother’s Teachings” on home schooling and the
questions you should pray about
before sending your children to college because “My people are destroyed for
lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6.)
He will do it. Again,
do you act as though you are your husband’s personal Holy Spirit? Do you flaunt
your spirituality? Have you managed to convince your husband of his stupidity
in spiritual matters? Do you know your Bible better than your husband could
ever hope to know it? Or worse, are your children more well-versed in Scripture
than their father? We as mothers make sure that our children are in Sunday
school or in Christian school. But we neglect to realize that when we meet our
needs for spiritual teachings through multiple Bible studies to get ahead of
our husbands, and our children get their spiritual needs met through Sunday
school, we replace our husbands with a counterfeit. There is no need for our
husbands to have to learn anything in Scripture.
Instead, he knows all about his favorite sports teams.
Instead of reading his Bible he can be seen reading the newspaper or the sports
page. If you think it is too late or that your husband is too far behind to get
ahead of you and your children to properly lead you, you are wrong. Since God
has called the man to be the leader of the home, He will enable him.
However, we must
confess our sin of replacing our husband’s role as our spiritual leader.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that
you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish
much.” James 5:16. Boast about your
weaknesses to other women. “And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient
for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will
rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”
2Cor. 12:9. And above all, trust the Lord.
“Commit your way to the lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it.” Ps. 37:5.
Washing of water with
the Word. How important is it to have our husbands in God’s Word and then
sharing that Word with us? “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also
loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present to Himself
the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but
that she should be holy and blameless.” Eph. 5:25-27. Again, don’t nag your
husband. It might be wise to not even talk to him about reading to you. This
may cause him to rebel. His pressure needs to come down from above, from his
authority. (See lesson 5, “Won Without a Word” if you want to see a real change
in your husband, God’s way.)
The narrow gate. Ladies,
go through that narrow gate and stop
watching or allowing your children to watch television. Stop sending your
weekly or monthly dues into Hollywood via the movie theater or video store, so
they will stop making the movies that are destroying our families and our
nation. If your husband is the television addict - pray! (Again, see lesson 5,
“Won Without a Word” if you want to see a real change in your husband, God’s
way.) “Enter by the narrow gate; for
the gate is wide, and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and many are those who enter by it.“ Matt.
7:13. If those who “claim” to be Christian stopped watching television and
going to movies, Hollywood would stop making disgusting movies! We women must
do spiritual warfare against this horrible addiction that you, your husband
and/or your children are held by.
Warning: A woman
shared with me something she was so proud of. Her husband and older sons were
watching a rather disgusting show on television. This woman spoke to her
husband and older sons as if they were in kindergarten, suggesting ever so
“teacher-like” that maybe there was something else that would be better to
watch. She then flipped through and found a very charismatic preacher and gave
the family a big grin. Her three sons and her husband walked out and went to
their own rooms. Ladies, this is not respectful behavior! What’s sad is that this woman’s husband has been telling everyone of
his misery and his plans to divorce her.
I shared with her that her response was not a victory but a
self-righteous act. No one will be won over by a Pharisee. I shared with her
that I had begun my battle against the television with prayer and fasting. It
also took my submitting and showing respect to my husband (even when everyone
thought he didn’t deserve it) for our family to be rid of the pollution of
television.
Practicing your
righteousness before men. Do you go to church even when your husband stays
home? “Beware of practicing your
righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in
heaven.“ Matt. 6:1. Our actions must be an outpouring of what is in us. Do you
“pride yourself” that you are more spiritual than your husband? Have you tried
shaming your husband into church? Has your method worked thus far? Is he going
with you? How do you expect to glorify God? “Let your light shine before men in
such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” Matt. 5:16.
You will know them by
their fruits. What are your fruits of your claim to be a Christian? “You will know them by their fruits.”
Matt. 7:16. Are you nagging your husband for what he has not done as the
spiritual leader of the family? Do you flaunt your Bible reading in front of
your husband? Then you are producing thorns, not fruit.
Compare the time you spend reading magazines, books, or
watching other things with the time that you are in the Word. What are you
going to do about it? Are you picking up anything that you have read in this
workbook? Can anyone see any change in you from your reading of this? “For if
anyone is a hearer of the Word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at
his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away,
he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks
intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual
doer, this man shall be blessed in
what he does.” James 1:23-25.
Bridle his tongue. “If
anyone thinks himself to be
religious, and yet does not bridle his
tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless.” James 1:23-25. When was the
last time that you spewed unkind words at your husband? God says you are
worthless. Ladies, get control of that hurtful tongue! (Please read and reread
lesson 4, “Kindness Is on Her Tongue” and then read it again!)
The Husband and Wife Relationship
We are not to be the spiritual leaders of our homes. God's
Word refers to the man as He does to Himself. We are to have the same type of
relationship with our husbands as Jesus has with His Church. Let’s search His
Word for the many ways that our
relationship with our husbands is to be like our relationship with Christ.
The head. “For
the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is
the head of the church….” Eph. 5:23. “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and
the man is the head of a woman, and
God is the head of Christ.” 1Cor. 11:3. We learned in lesson 8, “Wives, Be
Subject,” the importance of authority in the home. We also learned the benefits
of being subject to our husbands, namely for our and our children’s protection.
Scripture compares Christ as the head of the church to our husbands as the head
of us. As with any well-run company or, especially, the military, there has to
be a proper head or leader. We must allow our husbands to lead! Don’t miss this
point. You must allow them to lead. Allow your husband to come up with the
solutions to the problems that arise in your home.
The savior. “For
the husband is the head of the wife,
as Christ also is the head of the
church, He Himself being the Savior
of the body.” Eph. 5:23. The husband is
to be the Savior of the body. We wives think we are to be the saviors. But
when there is a financial crisis, or any crisis, the man really should be the
one to “save the day.” Many wives run out to get a job or they make financial
plans. This is only robbing your husband of a blessing. When the husband makes
the plan, then we can happily submit. When the wife makes the plan, then the
home is out of order.
We women must fulfill our role as the ones in subjection to
our husbands. They alone are to be the head of the home and the savior of the
body. Of course, we wives would rather tell our
husband how he should cut back. Ladies, when you see a problem, give it to
your husband! Stop the cycle of you leading and saving! Here are some short
testimonies from women who have
followed this principle without their husbands’ knowledge.
Testimony 1: My husband was not the disciplinarian in our home.
He was the great guy; I was the creepy, mean mom. One day I finally decided to
act on the principle of allowing my husband to lead. It took pulling back on my
extreme authority until all chaos began to happen. I had always kept the
children in control. Therefore, my husband had never noticed any problem in our
home. Frankly, I was tired of being the only adult in the house. I took my
husband’s lead of not disciplining, correcting, or training for almost a year.
I watched as the children got out of control. I had always kept everything
basically calm, so my husband never understood when I would ask him to help me
to discipline the children. When they got totally out of control, he was
shocked! But, it finally made him move. For the first time, he put his foot
down, and paddled them without my asking him to! It’s just what my children
needed. But most importantly, I was relieved of the burden of being the sole
disciplinarian, which left me more time to enjoy, play with and love my
children the way my husband had done in the past. We are now “together” raising
the children. There is finally the balance that I had always desired.
Testimony 2: I always tried to cushion the harshness of my
husband’s authoritarian ways in dealing with our children. I felt I needed to
protect them from their father, especially one that I felt he was sort of
picking on. What I didn’t realize was that I was not only blocking his harsh
ways, but I was blocking the children’s love from their father too. Once I
heard this principle, I decided to try it by following his lead. My test came
when my husband told our son to mow the lawn. I usually would keep after him
until he mowed it, but this time I said nothing. My son went to bed without
mowing the lawn that evening. At 11:30 p.m. his dad came back home from his
meeting and wanted to know why the lawn had not been mowed. Instead of making
excuses and defending him, I just said, “I don’t know.” My husband got him up
out of bed and made him mow the lawn in the dark that night. My son cried the
entire time, and, secretly, so did I. But things changed; closeness developed
between my son and his dad. Also, my son began to mature, eliminating a major
concern of mine.
Testimony 3: My husband was never very good at providing for
the family. I always bailed him out when he lost his job or when we were short
of money by going back to work. One day, from sheer exhaustion, I made the
decision that I would follow his lead and be quiet when things got hairy.
Things did get crazy and he still wouldn’t take the lead,
but I was determined to be still. Things got worse and he got angry. I used to
rescue him when he got mad, but this time I remembered the Scripture, “A man of
great anger shall bear the penalty, for if you rescue him, you will only have
to do it again.” Prov. 19:19. He was so accustomed to my taking over in a
crisis that he didn’t really know how to. Instead of doing something, I just
prayed for him. I prayed the Scriptures that speak about the husband providing
and about the fruit of diligence while I kept quiet and still. Then all of a
sudden my husband leaped into action. It was amazing!
I am now free to concentrate on the kids and our home. It
has freed me up to care for my husband more than I had before. I think my
resentment towards him was festering for a long time. I was so busy with work,
caring for our family, and keeping the home up. What I hadn’t realized was that
is what was keeping my husband and me from being close. Now I am able to show
gratefulness to him. All this has brought out a wonderful man who I
never knew was in there! I sometimes fall back into being the head and savior
of our home when my husband doesn’t move fast enough for me, or I don’t think
he’s handling it the right way, but I am trying to learn that these situations
are not my problem. When he doesn’t move or if he doesn’t handle it the right
way, that’s between him and the Lord. The Lord is the head of him, not me.
Created to carry the
burdens. Your husband was created to carry the burdens of the family; just
look at his broad and muscular shoulders compared to your shoulders. We women
have even tried to imitate those shoulders with shoulder pads! Men are really
designed to work best under pressure. Maybe you think your husband can't handle
the pressures, because you’ve always been your husband’s safety net.
Women, on the other hand, were created to handle many things at once. We are able to run
the home with all its maintenance and manage children of various ages,
personalities and needs: he meals, the cleaning, the continual tidying up and
the family’s hectic schedules. Women, it seems like we can do it all. But while
we are pretending to do it all, what is our husband doing? Usually playing!
Playing sports, working on hobbies or playing around!!!!
Are one. “For
this cause a man shall leave his
father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife
and the two shall become one flesh.”
Eph. 5:31. “So husbands ought also to
love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself….” Eph. 5:28.
“Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself.” Eph. 5:33. We have heard the term “one flesh” so often
without really understanding the meaning. By looking at the Lord's relationship
with his Father and our relationship with our husbands, we can see we are
lacking in this important understanding.
Sanctify. Ladies,
our husbands play a major role in the sanctification of us as we see in the
following Scripture: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved
the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed
her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her
glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.”
Eph. 5:25. This is a very powerful Biblical Truth that few will ever realize.
We wives need to be sanctified (purified) as our husbands read and share
Scripture with us. Does your husband read God's Word daily to you? How does the
church keep the body cleansed from the sin that creeps into the church? By the
reading of God's Word. With wives
it's the same way.
Testimony: My
husband always felt intimidated by his responsibility in this area. We
discovered a wonderful and beautiful solution to the family’s need to be in the
Word daily. Our family sits together, all nine of us every morning, with the
older four reading along and our non-readers sitting quietly doing puzzles or
coloring. This method of listening to one CD a day and reading along takes you
through the entire Bible in just 62 days! The combination of listening to
Alexander Scourby reading the Bible correctly and reading along is so powerful,
it cannot be explained.
Love. “Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ also loved….” Eph. 5:28. “So husbands
ought also to love their own wives….” Eph. 5:25. “Husbands, love your wives, and do
not be embittered against them.” Col. 3:19. Since the feminist movement
permeated the church with lies, there has been a “blending” of the roles and
commandments given to men and women. We continue to hear others say that God
commanded men and women to love their spouses. This “command” was only given to
the husband. Actually, the only reference for a woman to love her husband is
given in Titus. The older woman is encouraged to teach the younger to love her husband and her children. Deut. 4:2
says, “You shall not add to the word which I am commanding you….” Does that
mean a wife isn't to love her husband? Emphatically no! “…and walk in love,
just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us….” Eph. 5:2. The
wife’s primary role is that of respecting and submitting to her husband. Love, genuine love, will follow. If you
are lacking unconditional love for your husband, begin by respecting and
submitting to him and see what God does to your heart.
Should be respected. “…let
the wife see to it that she respect her
husband.” Eph. 5:33. “…as they (husbands) observe your (wife's) chaste and respectful behavior.” 1Pet. 3:2.
Respect for the husband and father is so needed in our Christian families.
Mothers, we wonder why our children don't speak respectfully to us and yet we
think nothing of our own attitude
toward our husbands. Instead of respect, there is an attitude of mere tolerance to the head of the household. Husbands and fathers have been run into the
ground and challenged every day by their wives, and it is accepted! We need to
put a stop to this immediately. This may be deep rooted. If we are helping our
husbands provide, then we may be out with other contentious women who gossip,
murmur and complain about their husbands. Pray that God will remove you from
that environment and bring you back home. If your children are in public
school, you haven't a prayer of getting respect. Even many of the children I
meet who are in private or Christian schools show disrespect toward their
parents. Why not bring them home to be educated? If your family is still
watching television or videos, you had better think of them as training tapes.
Make very sure you want the behavior and attitude on the screen to be “played
out” in your home.
Are subject. “But
as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands
in everything.” Eph. 5:24. “Wives, be subject to your husbands,
as is fitting in the Lord.” Col. 3:18.
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Eph. 5:22. “…pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be dishonored.” Titus
2:5. Husbands are to rule over everything. They may “delegate” certain tasks,
but the role of the man is as the head, and we as wives are to be subject to
them. We are not to be under another man's authority (i.e., a boss or Sunday
school teacher or even a pastor. See lesson 13, “The Ways of Her Household” for
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected
knowledge….” Hosea 4:6.)
Our husband is to be the final and ultimate authority here
on earth for our children and us. Take note: financial problems are one of the
biggest reasons for divorce. Ladies, give back this important leadership area.
Couples who have allowed the husband to rule their homes by controlling the
finances have reported nothing but praises. They have reported that it totally
eliminated financial fighting. Pray about it and see what God will do. Your
husband may want you to hold onto the checkbook. Pray about your being
“relieved” of this burden also. If you think your husband is too irresponsible,
remember: that is the Lord’s problem, not yours! Our ways must please the Lord!
Gave Himself. “Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself up for her….” Eph. 5:25. Feminism has just about destroyed the
“knight in shining armor” scenario. Yet, here in Scripture, we see that same gallant man who would give himself
up for his wife and his family. Do you honor and respect your husband’s
sacrifice for the family with appreciation and point it out to the children? Do
you “rob your husband of a blessing” when you are the one who always “saves the
day”? Ladies, get busy praying for your husband to rule your household.
Encourage your husband to be around more, not as a guest, but as a working
ruling figure.
Keep bringing your husband in on the decisions that need to
be made and the mini-catastrophes that go on constantly. Drop the burden in
your husband’s lap. This will allow you to be gentle, quiet and feminine. You
will then discover or rediscover your husband. You must do this carefully and
then submit to his decisions with good cheer and encouragement. Do it with the
caring attitude that you know you have lost from taking over for way too long.
Ladies, this is why your husband has so much time to “play.” Stop taking over,
stop resenting it and do something about it!
Supply and provide. “But
if anyone does not provide for his
own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is
worse than an unbeliever.” 1Tim. 5:8. If you are working or you have allowed or
participated in “spending prior to making,” then you need to repent. Satan is
using you to succeed in his agenda of dividing your home and stealing your
blessings. Stop playing on his team. Renew your mind and take every thought
captive to the obedience of Christ. This area is covered in more depth again in
lesson 13, “The Ways of Her Household.” This lesson answers the question that
you may have when it’s your husband who wants you to work, but your heart is to
remain home.
Please understand that one of the biggest reasons why we
women are so unhappy and frustrated is not because we are not being treated
equally to men. It's because we are trying to fill a role that we were not
designed for. If both the husband and the wife are working, who is in the home?
Ladies, the home that you and your husband work and slave for is sitting empty!
Your “little blessings” are being cared for and taught by a poor imitation of
you. Is it any wonder that you feel frustrated and unfulfilled?
Feeds us. We know
that our husbands are supposed to “bring home the bacon” but there is spiritual
food that our children and we are literally starving for! “…for no one ever
hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does
the church….” Eph. 5:29. This feeding must be from God's Word. Ladies, we have
made our husbands feel totally inadequate in this area. Many men don't even
know where to begin. We must pray that the Lord will strengthen and guide our
husbands; pray this daily! Satan
will attack your husband in this area because he knows how important this area
is to lead the family. He will make your husband feel worthless, incapable and
downright stupid. He will use strife with you and your children to stop your
times of reading God's Word. (Pray about
an opportunity to tell your husband about using the Bible on tape or CD to lead his family through the Bible - it
works!) Since our husbands have fallen short in this area, we have taken it
upon ourselves to fix the problem. We have gotten what we need by trotting off
to multiple Bible studies, seminars and Sunday school. Our children are sent to
Sunday school and vacation Bible school in order to hear the same stories year
after year; only to drop out of church as young adults.
Ladies, Sarah decided to fix her problem with Hagar! Is your
family in a Hagar situation? Your husband feels so inferior as the spiritual
leader of his family because you know it all! So now you and the children leave
for church and he stays home or plays golf.
“An excellent
wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.”
Proverbs 31:10-12.
Personal commitment:
To leave room for the Holy Spirit to lead my husband. “Based on what I have
learned from God's Word, I commit my husband, his leadership and his
spirituality to You; and I will wait patiently for You to move. I will give
back the leadership role to my husband in all things so as not to dishonor your Word.”
Date:
__________Signed:_______________________________________________________
