Michelle's Testimony

It began Christmas Eve, 2000, when my husband took me out to dinner. I remember that trip through the country roads that night dotted with Christmas lights and wishing the children could see them. For many years after this, the mere sight of Christmas lights made me want to throw up.

My husband told me he had something to show me before we ate and drove through a neighborhood then stopped in front of a house. My heart took a flip—I thought he was going to show me “our” new house that we had been hoping for. Instead, he turned to me and said, “We have had 20 wonderful years together, but . . .” So I laughed and said, “Are you dumping me?”

He continued to tell me that there was no one else but that he no longer loved me (I had killed all love), and he wanted to “be in love again”!

This house was where he was moving to—it was one hour from me and the children. He said he knew I had my heart’s desire with all the children (we had six), and I would be just fine. I walked right into that house and fell into a ball in the bathroom and was very sick. Some how I made it out of the bathroom and asked him if it would make a difference if we put some of the children up for adoption. I cringe at that memory still—but I know God has forgiven me. Somehow we made it through dinner, and I asked him if it could possibly be with me that he could “fall in love again”? He was being flip, but he said, “With God all things are possible!” God had given me hope in the words of my husband! That night, the devil reminded me that years ago my husband had said that when I turned 40, he would trade me in for two 20-year-olds. This was more true than I knew.

He had been working nights and was out of town very often. It was not unusual for the children to not see him for weeks at a time. He moved during the night, and I offered him everything he needed. The children were all very young and were used to me giving things away or letting friends borrow furniture—so they did not notice that he was gone. I don’t remember much of the next six weeks. I remember lots of alcohol and prescription drugs. I must have purchased at least 40 books from the Christian bookstore on marriage and divorce. I wanted to keep the children innocent, and I was so ashamed. I told very few people what had happened.

I had no desire to seek revenge—I simply wanted my husband to love me again. I took a good look at myself in the flesh. I was bald (from chemo), took no care in my appearance, I drank too much, I was extremely overweight, and I was in the middle of reconstruction surgery for cancer.

I can only imagine what my friends would think of my husband if they knew he had left me and abandoned the children.

Then I took a deeper look, and saw what the world and my friends did NOT know—that I had not allowed my husband to be intimate with me for over a year. I never went with him when he invited me out for fun (my children needed me), and I de-edified him in front of my children. I had become everything I later learned God did NOT want a wife to be. I was contentious, proud, a huge liar, an arrogant Pharisee, and so much more. No wonder he left me—I was a FOOL! I wrote him a letter telling him all of these things—which I do NOT recommend at all, as it only reinforced the “hate wall.” (It was not until months later when I was able to tell him these things to his face that he truly saw I had changed.)

About six weeks after he left, he called to confess that he had indeed fallen in love with someone (many months before), but she could not leave her husband as my husband had hoped, and she had broken his heart. I never knew who this person was until the week my husband decided to come home. Believe me—I tried to find out. I remember a night going through two 55-gallon garbage cans looking for credit card receipts, but God protected me using my own husband—He had taken the receipts with him that night after he said goodnight to the children! Years later, he told me that he had loved me too much to destroy our family.

During this time, I think I had lost over 30 pounds with the “infidelity diet” (later, with proper exercise, prayer, and fasting, I lost a total of 85 pounds). I had purchased a few new clothes and a wig. I also found, in one of those books I had purchased, that I could actually receive counseling from the author on the phone for $150 an hour. I deceived my husband into joining me in a session to “help me” and he agreed. When it was my husband’s turn in the session to talk in private, of course I put my ear to the door and heard things that my heart was never meant to hear.

Several thousand dollars later, I realized this “expert” had not gone through what I was going through—so how could he possibly lead me? I went onto his chat line in search of help and saw a reference to RMI in a note to someone else. I went back the next night hoping it was still there and logged on to RMI right away. Praise God! I am sorry to say that I did not read anything on the web that night—but, I went right to the order department and saw something called “Suggested Package.” I didn’t know who had suggested it, but I needed something! Praise God for His hand on my life!!

When I received the materials, I read the “How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage” book—and conviction came upon me. I prayed for God to change me and apologized to those people who listened to me shame my husband. My pastor and I agreed to disagree on the subject of restoration principles. Now he gets the biggest smile on his face when we visit our old “home church” and my husband can sit in the front row without shame, because his wife found the Truth in God’s Word through RMI!

When I listened to the “Be Encouraged” videos, I found hope. When I read the Wise Woman book, I had a road map written to help me through God’s Word for my very own restoration! One day, a special package came from an attorney’s office, and I was in a fleshly panic. I brought the mail to where my husband was working (which he did ask me to do that day), and all I could think of was “My grace is sufficient!” I repeated it all the way to his workplace. My husband quickly dismissed it as relating to work, and I smiled and breathed a huge sigh of relief and silent praise to God. (I, of course, feared that they were divorce papers.)

That day when I got home, I started to make 3x5 cards with Scripture that was special to me. If you have read the Wise Woman, you know that RMI encourages us to do this. I started to read the book, but I had ignored that specific instruction. Now I knew why we need those little “swords of the spirit”! I still have my original stack of cards, and I am using them right now as I write this testimony. Some of them are folded and worn from when I used to carry them in my back pocket.

My first prayers for restoration were from these cards of Scripture. I would simply say, “Dear Lord—Scripture verse—in Jesus’ name, amen.” As I prayed these simple prayers, I saw the “hate wall” crumble!

“And Jesus said unto them, ‘Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you’” (Matt. 17:20 KJV).

My next leap into prayer came in the form of song. I would play praise and worship music whenever I could and sing by myself or with the children. The words of my own restoration songs are still hidden in my heart today. I noticed that as my songs of joy increased, so did the visits from my husband! When he would visit, I would leave him alone with the children—and he would follow me around the house!

With my faithful stack of 3x5 cards, I started to minister to others in need. As I began to pray for others, my husband began to ask me out on dates.

Then I started my prayer journal with a page for myself, my husband, the other woman (women), and each of my children. As often as I could, when the children had gone to bed, I would fervently pray the prayers from each page. This meant no TV, a real biggie for me! Soon my little prayer journal became a praise journal as well. I was able to cross off many of these prayers on a daily basis. I would hear my husband say things exactly word for word as I had prayed them. Praise God! Sometimes, I had to turn my head from giggling at God’s mercy and goodness to me.

I would love to say that the moment that RMI came into my life, my husband came home and we lived happily ever after—but that was not instantly the case. I did continue to become more attractive to my husband on the outside, and my husband was noticing a change on the inside as well. He was not, however, quite sure it was for real—and quite frankly, neither did I.

I soon fell into the pit of being the “husband pleaser” instead of walking the road of “submitting to him as unto the Lord.” Big mistake!! One night, on a date, he took me to a new place, and I innocently followed him in as he had asked me to. It was a strip club. I sat down, and he started to explain that this is where he had been spending his free time (and lots of money), because he could be “loved” without the complications of being involved. (He has given me permission to share this story and does know that he was deep in sin and battling demons at this point in his life.)

I immediately began to pray as we sat down and very quickly all the women began to come up to me and praise my husband. They said he “was a gentleman” and always took the time to listen to their problems. I was comforted and sickened at the same time. When one of the girls had heard that I was a cancer survivor, she took me back to the dressing room and young girl after young girl began to come to me for prayer. I don’t think I was very good for business that night.

I would like to say that I never went back to that place, but as I said, I fell into the husband-pleasing pit, and I willfully followed him back many times. God had provided a way out, because my husband would always ask if I minded going, but I never said no. Of that I am ashamed and have long since been forgiven.

I noticed that when I would spend the night at my husband’s house after a date, our intimacy would be missing “love” and I felt “used,” much as I am sure those girls felt each night they went to work. I continued to praise God that I was blessed with time alone with my husband and with intimacy no matter the circumstances.

I knew I needed to take one more step in my prayer life, and with the encouragement of the words on the videos, I did. I asked for and received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Now I was fully equipped and filled with the boldness only the Holy Spirit can provide. At that moment, I “knew” that my husband would come home and whatever happened before that was not the “Truth.”

When my husband would say he was coming home (which happened several times) and then several weeks later want to have a “talk” with me, I could listen to his words of rejection with a gentle and quiet spirit and pray in my spirit silently. In fact, I found that I was able to stay in prayer all day. I found myself walking around the house just talking with my best friend, Jesus.

The more time I spent talking with Jesus, the more time my husband chose to spend at home, until he came home for good. I was covered with the blood of Jesus, and I knew I had the power to overcome all evil!!

“I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you” (Luke 10:19 NIV).

Then in January of 2002, my husband spent a week at home. We had enjoyed a wonderful Christmas week with the children and his family (who did not know the circumstances). I woke up one morning at four in the morning, and I saw my husband with his gym bag (this was not unusual for him to get up and go work out) so I kissed him good-bye, and he said he was going to spend a few days back at his house, and he would call me later.

The next day, a friend pulled up in his truck, and I went outside to tell him my husband was not home. He told me that his wife and my husband had gone away together and began to say things about my husband that I did not want to hear. I quickly told him to go home and wait for his wife to come home and discuss these things with her. Praise God he left quickly, and the children never knew he was there.

My husband called that night and said, “I heard you had some excitement today at the house.” I told him that it was “no more than usual,” not alluding to the magnitude of the "visit.” He told me he would be back in town the next day, and he would be staying at his house. He showed up the next night on his way to work. I remained quiet while he said he could no longer afford two homes and would be moving back soon. He had said this before (so this time I did not jump up and down) but simply smiled and asked him if he wanted us to bring him dinner at work.

He came home in the morning after his shift and received a phone call when I was in the shower. It was his brother, and he was describing the weekend with the OW and so much more that I did not want to hear. I didn’t know what to do, so I just left the bathroom as soon as I could and he knew I had heard. He slept that day in our bed, and when I came in to wake him for his next shift, he held me gently and told me he had no idea why he had gone away with her after not seeing her for over a year—but that I was the one he wanted to be with. Praise God!

In February, he came home, and in April, he put his wedding band back on—but I still did not have his heart. I walked on eggshells for many months. The devil tried to convince me that he would not stay. He was laid off from his job; we lost our home, a car, and fell into a financial ruin bigger than I have ever seen (and I was CPA for many years).

God is still working on me, but my greatest joy comes in answered prayers that I put in my precious prayer journal on those nights years ago when Jesus was my only Husband. God is completing our restoration. It has been three years since my husband put back on his wedding ring, and for the past few months, I have been the poster child for how NOT to be a wise woman. I know my flesh is struggling as my husband is taking over his rightful place as the head of our home and becoming the spiritual leader. I had these roles for so long that it is very uncomfortable to give them up.

Now God is using my own husband to draw me closer to Him. (God is so funny.) The more contentious I become, the more my husband hugs me and says he has never loved me so much, and he appreciates everything I do. I praise God for answered prayer. The more of a Pharisee I become, the more my husband quotes Scripture to me or sings of his love for God. He raises his arms without shame in church, and my children follow his example.

He insists the children come to “big church” with us. I praise God for more answered prayer. The spirit of depression was on me the other morning, and my husband came in and sang to me, “God is the strength of my heart!” I cried for this answered prayer. When I was angry and frightened that his salary was cut yet again, my husband said, “God promised us our ‘daily bread’—He will not leave us!” Praise Him again for answered prayer.

When the children misbehave, my husband started to discipline them—but very firmly. I am learning to trust God and praise Him for this too.

When I was having a pity-party about my extreme weight gain, my husband said, “We need to start ‘date night’ again,” and we were blessed with a restaurant gift certificate. That night my husband called me beautiful. God is so full of grace. I will continue to praise Him as long as I have breath.

I never really had a true ‘ePartner,’ but I do have a special friend who continues to remind me that I deserve nothing God has ever given me (including my husband and my restoration)—but that through His grace alone He has and will continue to bless me!!

I will not throw my gift of restoration away—I am going to fight the good fight of faith and allow Him to continue to mold me into the wife and mother He means for me to be. I am His child, and He is no respector of persons. What he did for me—He is more than able to do for you!

Michelle in Alabama— RESTORED!!

Michelle tells everyone she meets that if women would simply read and apply Chapter 1 of RYM that their marriages would be restored. Michelle and her husband Randy have been happily restored since 2002!! So here it is to get started.